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12:08:36 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok, mamas, today our chat is with
cynthia good mojab .... |
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12:08:48 |
Webmama_Tina |
here's our info on the chat for today... |
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12:09:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
Cynthia Good Mojab, MS, IBCLC, RLC,
CATSM is a clinical counselor,
international board certified lactation
consultant, author, researcher, and
speaker. Through her private practice,
LifeCircle Counseling and Consulting
(LLC) she offers a blend of
psychological and lactation services to
women and health care providers, in
person and by phone. In this chat,
Cynthia will talk about grieving
breastfeeding losses, including the loss
of expected breastfeeding experiences,
the loss of direct breastfeeding
(exclusive pumping), and the complete
loss of breastfeeding. |
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12:09:26 |
Webmama_Tina |
now cynthia, why don't you add anything
else you'd like to add....i know that
covers a lot, lol |
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12:09:37 |
ailbhe |
Am I here? |
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12:09:40 |
Webmama_Tina |
and mamas, start throwing out your
question marks and i'll gather and start
compiling the queue |
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12:09:48 |
Webmama_Tina |
yes ailbhe , glad you made it! |
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12:09:51 |
Webmama_Tina |
Welcome to this week's Mothering
Sponsored chat! This is a moderated
chat. Please make sure you read and
fully understand the Moderated Chat
Instructions before participating in
this chat. Instructions can be found
here: http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm
...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not
post unless it is your turn to ask a
question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to
the queue. Have your question ready when
your name is called." |
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12:10:41 |
nursiemom |
? |
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12:10:51 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Well, in addition to the information
Tina just posted, I also answer
questions about breastfeeding and
maternal mental health for Mothering
magazine as a member of their experts
panel. |
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12:11:40 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
In my private practice and in my other
roles, I have met many women who have
experienced some kind of breastfeeding
loss. They usually have had great
difficulty finding understanding of and
support for their grief. |
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12:12:01 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
I'm ready for questions any time, Tina. |
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12:12:09 |
Webmama_Tina |
okey dokey! |
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12:12:14 |
Webmama_Tina |
nursiemom you're up first! |
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12:12:17 |
nursiemom |
I had to wean my youngest at 12.5 months
due to severe medical issues. That was
1.5 years ago, and it completely broke
my heart. The pain is less now, but
still very real-- what is the best way
to work through the pain from being
forced to wean too early |
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12:12:30 |
Webmama_Tina |
woah, can we go a little darker green?
that's hard to read |
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12:12:33 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
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12:13:05 |
nursiemom |
Sorry-- I'll try again |
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12:13:11 |
Webmama_Tina |
ah much better |
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12:13:12 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
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12:14:10 |
nursiemom |
I had to wean my youngest at 12.5 months
due to severe medical issues. That was
1.5 years ago, and it completely broke
my heart. The pain is a little less
now, but still very real-- what is the
best way to work through my grief from
having to wean too so |
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12:14:16 |
nursiemom |
too soon? |
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12:15:26 |
NaturalChildNaturalFamily |
? |
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12:16:04 |
earthgrlie |
? |
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12:17:04 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
I don't know that there is one way to
work through the pain. Every woman's
loss is different and every woman
grieves differently. Some things that
seems helpful for many mothers grieving
weaning earlier than they had planned or
expected to is to acknowledge the
legitimacy of your loss to yourself, to
find others who recognize that you have
experienced a loss and who will not say
things that, in effect, stop your
grieving. Many people mean well, but
when they say things like, At least you
breastfed as long as you did" or "your
child is healthy and fine, why are you
so upset about this?" they are really
communicating that it is not OK for you
to be feeling what you are feeling. Some
women find it helpful to write about
their loss, in a journal, a poem, a
song, etc. Some women find it helpful to
create a drawing or a dance about their
loss. Some women find it helpful to
create a ceremony that acknowledges what |
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12:18:26 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
One of the most difficult things about
the loss of breastfeeding is that it is
not socially recognized--therefore,
finding support can be very hard. It can
be a very lonely experience to be
grieving a breastfeeding loss. |
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12:19:03 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters:
NaturalChildNaturalFamily, earthgrlie |
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12:19:16 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Grief is always hard, but grieving alone
is always harder. So finding some
companionship, while difficult, can be
very, very helpful. |
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12:19:49 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Is there another question, Tina? |
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12:20:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
NaturalChildNaturalFamily you're up |
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12:20:39 |
NaturalChildNaturalFamily |
Thank you for doing this- It is
wonderful- Have you found a link btwn
PPD and the mom who doesn't nurse at
all? |
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12:20:50 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: earthgrlie |
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12:20:58 |
NaturalChildNaturalFamily |
with relation to grief |
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12:23:24 |
ailbhe |
? |
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12:24:06 |
arianamama |
? |
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12:24:15 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You're very welcome. Most research
studies show that the onset postpartum
depression precedes weaning. Some
studies show that depression follows
weaning. However, postpartum depression
may have begun as antenatal depression
which was never diagnosed. Grief is
often a contributing factor for
depression, postpartum or not. In fact,
it can be difficult to distinguish
between grief and depression, because
there is so much overlap. Certainly any
mother experiencing grief or depression
in the early days postpartum will have
fewer emotional resources available to
initiate and/or cope with breastfeeding
challenges in a society in which so many
barriers to breastfeeding already exist.
Does this answer your question? |
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12:24:46 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: earthgrlie, ailbhe |
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12:25:27 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Mothers who are grieving the loss of an
expected birth experience are certainly
at an emotional disadvantage postpartum
for initiating breastfeeding and/or to
overcome breastfeeding challenges. |
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12:25:35 |
NaturalChildNaturalFamily |
yes |
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12:25:59 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Next question, please? |
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12:26:13 |
kjkissingford |
? |
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12:26:30 |
earthgrlie |
My daughter is 4 months old, she has
major neurological issues being
diagnosed with Dandy Walker Malformation
and Severe Hydrocephalus. She was in the
NICU for about 2 months, Im proud to say
she's been able to be on my breastmilk
and not be supplemented." |
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12:27:06 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
That is not easy to accomplish in such a
challenging context. |
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12:27:08 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: ailbhe,
arianamama, kjkissingford |
|
12:27:15 |
earthgrlie |
She was born via C-section and
everything around her birth was
completly different. I was praying that
we'd be able to breastfeed, but she has
a g-tube |
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12:28:01 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
It sounds like you are grateful and
proud that she has been exclusively
breast milk fed and that you are
grieving that you were and are not able
to breastfeed her directly. |
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12:28:30 |
earthgrlie |
I pump ( and HATE it!) but I try to make
sure to have her try to latch on to my
breast afterwards, just in hopes of her
being able to breastfeed down the line.
Do you have any other suggestions for
building that bond and encouraging
future feedings at the |
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12:28:33 |
earthgrlie |
breast |
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12:29:32 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Many women in your situation absolutely
hate pumping: its sight, its sound, etc.
It's a tangible reminder over and over
again of their loss of direct
breastfeeding. |
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12:30:11 |
earthgrlie |
YES! My four year old still nurses, so
that has helped a great deal. But I feel
like my newborn is getting cheated |
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12:30:53 |
mamaste |
? |
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12:31:21 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
In one of my publications on congenital
disorders in the nursling, I talk about
the many aspects of the physical
experience of breastfeeding: skin
contact, hearing the mother's heartbeat
and breathing, looking into eachother's
eyes. Mothers who are not able to
directly breastfeed often feel more
connected to their baby when they
recreate these other aspects of
breastfeeding. |
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12:32:05 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Yes, you know what your four-year-old
has experienced in your breastfeeding
relationship, and you wish that your
newborn could have that, too. |
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12:32:22 |
earthgrlie |
Where could I find more info on this?
Also we don't have the option of eye
contact she's blind on top of everything
else |
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12:34:32 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
When a newborn is blind, eye contact is
not possible. Your baby will hear your
breathing, your voice, your heartbeat
and feel your touch during
breastfeeding. Touch is so essential to
the well-being and development of any
newborn. All that cuddling, holding,
rocking, patting, and carrying that
mothers do may seem in our society like
getting nothing done", but it has an
incredibly powerful impact on our
babies' development." |
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12:35:58 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
If you look at the publications page of
my website, Ammawell, you can find two
publications that I wrote on
breastfeeding a child with a congenital
disorder. One of them can be read in
full on-line. If you visit the About"
page of my private practice website
(www.lifecirclecc.com) you'll find a
link to my website, Ammawell. Then go to
the breastfeeding section of my
publications page." |
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12:36:12 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Best wishes to you. Is there another
question? |
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12:36:22 |
earthgrlie |
I appreciate this chat, thank you! I'd
be interested in reading more about this
topic. I'll be letting my husband read
what you wrote about getting nothing
done. :-) |
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12:37:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
ailbhe you're up |
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12:37:43 |
ailbhe |
Thank. |
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12:37:57 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Also, MOBI Motherhood, International is
a new organization (though an email
group has existed for some time)
providing support and information for
mothers struggling with breastfeeding or
grieving its loss. They have a few email
lists that can help mothers find support
from mothers who really understand
because they're going through some form
of challenge, too. They're at:
http://www.mobimotherhood.org/ |
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12:38:01 |
ailbhe |
My toddler is just over two, and
starting to self-wean. |
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12:38:01 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You're welcome. |
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12:38:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: arianamama,
kjkissingford, mamaste |
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12:38:26 |
ailbhe |
I've been using breastfeeding to help
live with the post-traumatic stress
resulting from her birth. |
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12:38:34 |
ailbhe |
I'm also 27 weeks pregnant. |
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12:38:43 |
Webmama_Tina |
don't mind me as i post the welcome
message again for newcomers |
|
12:38:46 |
Webmama_Tina |
Welcome to this week's Mothering
Sponsored chat! This is a moderated
chat. Please make sure you read and
fully understand the Moderated Chat
Instructions before participating in
this chat. Instructions can be found
here:
http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm
...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not
post unless it is your turn to ask a
question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to
the queue. Have your question ready when
your name is called." |
|
12:39:15 |
ailbhe |
I'm terrified of losing breastfeeding
coming up to another birth, but it's not
fair to her to use her as a crutch. |
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12:39:43 |
ailbhe |
Is there a more useful way to think
about the whole situation? I feel bereft
- grieving for her birth and for the end
of breastfeeding |
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12:40:05 |
ailbhe |
(I've finished now) |
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12:41:06 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
It sounds like breastfeeding has brought
you great comfort after your traumatic
birth experience. Something that has
gone right" after a birth which happened
in an unexpected and frightening way." |
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12:41:31 |
ailbhe |
Yes, that's right. |
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12:43:11 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
One of the tasks of grieving is finding
new meaning in the aftermath of a loss.
How do we live now that the loss has
happened? What meaning does the loss
have for us? This kind of grief work is
so important, so hidden from others, and
so challenging, it can be hard to know
how to do it and what to make of our
internal state. Finding ways to honor
the emotions of our grief, and the
importance of our grief work can help us
feel that, although the situation is
difficult, it is our healing in
progress. |
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12:43:18 |
magdalene74 |
well, arent yall hard to find today LOL |
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12:43:28 |
magdalene74 |
woops, sorry. |
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12:43:49 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Is there another question? |
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12:44:06 |
arianamama |
How do those of us breastfeeding let
those who weren't able to breastfeed
like they wanted know that we are open
to discuss their grief with them. |
|
12:44:09 |
ailbhe |
Oh well. Back to my regular therapist I
guess. |
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12:44:27 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
That's a great question. |
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12:45:50 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
It depends on the context, of course,
but communicating something like, Many
women have struggled with breastfeeding.
It's common for mothers to feel
frustration, sadness, and anger related
to breastfeeding...." |
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12:46:20 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: kjkissingford,
mamaste |
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12:46:32 |
arianamama |
thank you |
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12:47:12 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Mothers may be grieving the loss of
breastfeeding with little support for
that loss. This group/emaillist/session
is a place that you can talk about any
feelings you have about
breastfeeding..." |
|
12:47:28 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You're welcome. Is there another
question? |
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12:47:35 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: kjkissingford,
mamaste |
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12:47:43 |
Webmama_Tina |
kjkissingford, you're up! |
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12:47:45 |
kjkissingford |
Thank you for having this chat. I found
deep isolation and despair when I was
unable to breastfeed successfully. Part
of that is due to the huge campaign that
says breastfeeding is the best (makes us
sad moms feel like we're not doing the
best") ..." |
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12:47:58 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: mamaste |
|
12:48:44 |
kjkissingford |
the lactation consultant we hired gave
us the unwaivering perception that of
course you'll be able to breastfeed,
just do this, this and this" when it
didn't work, she stopped calling for
support eventhough she said she would. I
felt like crap!" |
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12:48:46 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You're welcome. It sounds like you were
not able to find adequate support as you
grieved the loss of breastfeeding.... |
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12:49:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
remember that if you have a question,
just post a single question mark and
i'll add you to the queue |
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12:50:16 |
kareen |
? |
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12:50:32 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Part of your grief seems to have been
that you knew the value of
breastfeeding, and because you knew
that, the pain of the loss of
breastfeeding was great. You wanted to
be able to give your baby the best" and
were very sad that you could not give
your baby breastfeeding...." |
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12:51:26 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
The support you received from the
lactation consultant you hired did not
meet your needs. You needed more
follow-up, more problem solving, more
emotional support for your struggle. |
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12:51:33 |
magdalene74 |
? |
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12:51:54 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Am I understanding your experience even
a little? |
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12:52:11 |
kjkissingford |
yes. i ended up with pretty severe
postpartum depression/anxiety and I know
it was this experience that pushed me
over the edge. I've been to ppd support
group, but I was the only one that
failed" to breastfeed. I'd like to see
more public awareness of th" |
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12:52:14 |
Webmama_Tina |
upcoming chatters: mamaste, kareen,
magdalene74 |
|
12:52:54 |
kjkissingford |
this would be helpful. the judgement is
SO deep when you're a natural" minded
person! Thanks for your reflection!" |
|
12:54:1 |
