|
13:11:52 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Good morning, everyone! As a clinical
counselor and IBCLC, I have a
professional interest in how mothers
cope with the joys and challenges of
pioneer mothering." But, that interest
was born from myown experience with
doing so many things that had either
never been done in my family before or
hadn't been done in generations." |
|
13:12:45 |
Webmama_Tina |
Lynn, you're up first |
|
13:12:50 |
LynnR |
My three month old daughter sleeps with
us and it works great for me both
bonding wise and brest feeding but my
husband is concerned that she will never
want to leave our bed and that we should
get hre used to sleeping in her basinet.
Thoughts? |
|
13:13:29 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
This is a very common concern. |
|
13:14:11 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Co-sleeping is how families throughout
generations and across cultures have
approached sleep.... |
|
13:15:53 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
It facilitates breastfeeding and
attachment. It is a component of the
original paradigm of nurturing children.
Generations ago, if little ones didn't
sleep close to their mother, they might
have become a predator's midnight snack. |
|
13:16:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
Welcome to this week's Mothering
Sponsored chat! This is a moderated
chat. Please make sure you read and
fully understand the Moderated Chat
Instructions before participating in
this chat. Instructions can be found
here:
http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm
...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not
post unless it is your turn to ask a
question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to
the queue. Have your question ready when
your name is called." |
|
13:16:19 |
MrMomofTwins |
ahhhh, tc ladies |
|
13:16:33 |
LynnR |
I cried all night when he suggested it,
we agreed to talk again when she's
sleeping through the night. |
|
13:17:22 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
So, the ecological niche of little one's
is centered around their mother and, as
they get older, their family. |
|
13:17:31 |
Webmama_Tina |
how about a show of hands by all of us
that have had children sleep with us and
then grow to sleep on their own....
*raises hand* |
|
13:17:39 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
However, culturally speaking,
co-sleeping can pose huge challenges. |
|
13:17:44 |
Kamibug_and_Kiddos |
*raises hand* |
|
13:17:47 |
Hippymom |
*hand* |
|
13:17:54 |
renee |
raises hand"" |
|
13:17:58 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
*raises hand* |
|
13:18:11 |
LynnR |
thanks |
|
13:18:12 |
2MarchBabes |
*raises hand* |
|
13:18:18 |
Webmama_Tina |
there ya go cristin, and that's just a
small sampling...they DO move into their
own beds eventually. :) |
|
13:18:35 |
Webmama_Tina |
(sorry cynthia, just thought of that,
lol) |
|
13:18:36 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Mainstream American culture emphasizes
independence--and expects it to develop
from a very early age. Many people are
therefore concerned that co-sleeping is
not healthy, because it is not in
alignment with the cultural value of
independence. |
|
13:19:21 |
renee |
?"" |
|
13:19:22 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Also, lots of us have not seen with our
own eyes the inevitable result of
co-sleeping: sooner or later the little
one is able to sleep on their own. |
|
13:19:24 |
Webmama_Tina |
mamas, throw out your question marks,
i'll gather the queue.... :) |
|
13:19:38 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Tina's poll shows a small sample of
that! |
|
13:19:41 |
Webmama_Tina |
current chatter: LynnR ....upcoming
chatters: renee |
|
13:20:07 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
?"" |
|
13:20:42 |
LynnR |
Ok I think I need to stick to my guns
and show my husband how happy our
daughter is, she's very calm and secure.
Thanks for your thoughts |
|
13:21:30 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
A great book related to sleep issues is
Nighttime Parenting." One concept that I
think makes sense is that the best sleep
arrangements are those that help all
members of the family get the most
sleep. Since family circumstances vary
so much, and everyone has their own
personality and temperament, that makes
sense to me!" |
|
13:21:44 |
Webmama_Tina |
current chatter: LynnR ...upcoming
chatters: renee, CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
|
13:21:51 |
Webmama_Tina |
oh and the family bed"...awesome book!" |
|
13:22:33 |
LynnR |
thanks i'll look for those books |
|
13:22:53 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You beat me to it, Tina! The Family Bed
is a great book. If you're husband likes
to read, LynnR, you might consider
reading all or part of these books
together. He's probably pioneer
fathering" too!" |
|
13:23:29 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Do we have another question? |
|
13:23:36 |
Webmama_Tina |
sorry :( |
|
13:23:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
lol |
|
13:23:58 |
renee |
2 ?s- how do you feel with the new
ibcle policy of having to support the
aap policy of no co sleeping but can
sleep seperate but nearby"? It is
confusing especially if you deliver in
the hospital." |
|
13:24:00 |
Webmama_Tina |
renee you're' up! |
|
13:24:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
current chatter: renee ...upcoming
chatters: CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
|
13:26:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
Welcome to this week's Mothering
Sponsored chat! This is a moderated
chat. Please make sure you read and
fully understand the Moderated Chat
Instructions before participating in
this chat. Instructions can be found
here:
http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm
...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not
post unless it is your turn to ask a
question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to
the queue. Have your question ready when
your name is called." |
|
13:27:01 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Co-sleeping is a controversial issue
with major cultural and financial
components... |
|
13:28:44 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
The recommendations of the AAP excluded
sleep research by James McKenna. Infant
crib manufacturers have lobbied against
co-sleeping.... |
|
13:29:21 |
Webmama_Tina |
current chatter: renee ...upcoming
chatters: CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
|
13:30:06 |
Webmama_Tina |
discovered something...just logging off
and back on doesn't reset the
features...you have to click refresh and
then log back on...otherwise you will
still get the logging in and out notices |
|
13:30:29 |
Webmama_Tina |
just FYI for those that are wanting to
turn that off too. :) |
|
13:31:02 |
renee |
As a lactation professional how do you
advise your moms prior to going into the
hospital? |
|
13:32:22 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
These statements by LLLI are useful:
http://www.llli.org/Release/cosleeping.html
and
http://www.llli.org/Release/sids.html |
|
13:33:31 |
Webmama_Tina |
current chatter: renee ...upcoming
chatters: CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
|
13:34:01 |
renee |
sadly as of yesterday, the new policy
states that IBCLC can not advise against
peds. So that left me questioning what
to say |
|
13:34:30 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
The tear off sheet by LLLI entitled Safe
Sleep" is also very useful." |
|
13:35:34 |
renee |
How do you advise with moms who have
been told that it is better to sleep
than feed your baby due to their
postpartum depression risks |
|
13:36:58 |
renee |
Our local postpartum depression group is
advocating bottle feeding at night for a
good night sleep |
|
13:37:30 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
I am ethically obligated, by both my
personal and professional ethics, to
facilitate a mother's informed decision
making. The IBLCE Scope of Practice that
has just been released is internally and
institutionally inconsistent. I have
written to both the IBLCE and ILCA
expressing my concerns and the double
bind that its requirement to not
contradict a client's health care
providers places on IBCLCs. We cannot
facilitate informed decision making and
not contradict a client's health care
provider, in many circumstances. |
|
13:39:07 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
A few days ago I uploaded a new
publication to the publications page of
my website (www.lifecirclecc.com)
called, Mental Health Care for
Breastfeeding Mothers with Postpartum
Depression." In short, I believe that
the treatment of postpartum depression
should rarely require the undermining of
breastfeeding." |
|
13:39:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
does that answer your questions renee? |
|
13:40:15 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Formula fed infants of depressed mothers
have higher risks of negative
psychological effects of maternal
depression than breastfed infants of
depressed mothers. When a mother has
postpartum depression, the patient"
should be considered to be the
mother-nursling dyad." |
|
13:40:20 |
renee |
I think so. It is such a hard question.
I see so many mothers depressed but it
is hard to say which came first :the
depresion or the breastfeeding problems |
|
13:40:58 |
renee |
I think you are correct. Many people
forget it is a momandbaby dyad |
|
13:40:59 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Chronic pain (which can be nipple pain
from poor positioning and latch, tongue
tie, etc.) is a risk factor for PPD. |
|
13:41:19 |
renee |
wow |
|
13:42:14 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Research shows that depression can
precede and follow premature weaning.
Depression undermines any mother's
ability to cope and problem solve. And
many women deeply grieve the loss of
breastfeeding, though this is not a
socially recognized loss. |
|
13:42:21 |
Webmama_Tina |
cristin has the next question |
|
13:42:21 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
|
13:42:28 |
renee |
thank you |
|
13:42:41 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You're welcome. We could talk for hours
on your fantastic questions! |
|
13:42:46 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Do we have another question? |
|
13:42:48 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
what would you do for a 2 yr old who
swears? i know i have something to do
with it, she hears me talking to
friends... we don't spank, and time outs
haven't worked... ignoring it hasn't
worked (she'll just continue to say the
word over and over) |
|
13:43:26 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
i just tried giving her a sip of apple
cidar vinegar, and i felt like such a
horrible mom for it |
|
13:43:54 |
2MarchBabes |
? |
|
13:44:08 |
mllrym |
? |
|
13:44:42 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
It can really be hard to know what to do
about a child's swearing (or any other
not at all socially acceptable
behavior). I'm sure most if not all of
us can relate to really, really not
liking something our child does.... |
|
13:45:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
current chatter: CristinLuvsBella-ttc2
...upcoming chatters: 2MarchBabes,
mllrym |
|
13:45:59 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
It sounds like you regret using the
apple cider vinegar. Many of us grew up
in households where our mouths got
washed out with soap if we used bad"
language of some kind. So, we're pioneer
parenting on how to handle this in a
more positive way, too!" |
|
13:46:21 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
exactly! no soap in the mouth here! :) |
|
13:47:26 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
One approach is to recognize that using
language that is objectionable to you
and others meets some need for your
daughter: the need to choose, the need
to experiment, the need to have
attention, the need to feel powerful,
..... So, parents can sometimes find
another way to meet that need.... |
|
13:48:46 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
alright, are you talking about in the
moment of the swearing as well? |
|
13:49:03 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
One particularly funny--and it can
really be effective--way to meet
whatever that need is, is to invent a
new expression that you pretend is
*terrible* language. You start using it
anytime you feel the urge to swear--you
just stubbed your toe and *something*
has got to come out of your mouth!! A
great example for a two year old is son
of a bumble bee."" |
|
13:49:31 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
lol that's a great idea! :) |
|
13:50:05 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
A mother can go around saying son of a
bumble bee" or your own creative version
of it and when she catches her little
one saying it, she gives a dramatic
response of dismay. : )" |
|
13:50:16 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
one thing i do know is that dh and i
need to clean up OUR language first ;) |
|
13:50:29 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Many parents can relate to that! |
|
13:50:55 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
thank you so much! :D |
|
13:51:04 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
When I became a mother, I wasn't a huge
swearer, but when in enough pain, I was
known to say a few choice words. : ) |
|
13:51:20 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
I converted to God....Bless America." :
)" |
|
13:51:56 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
hehehe, my dd won't get kicked out of
school for that one! |
|
13:52:06 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
It took lots of practice, but it's
amazing how easily I say it now. And,
yes, my daughter has been known to say
it, too. : ) |
|
13:52:17 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Good luck! |
|
13:52:21 |
CristinLuvsBella-ttc2 |
thank you again! |
|
13:52:28 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You're welcome! |
|
13:52:55 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Do we have another question? |
|
13:53:15 |
Webmama_Tina |
2-Mar |
|
13:53:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
you're up! |
|
13:53:29 |
2MarchBabes |
pioneer mothering" in my family means
alot of questioning of why we are doing
things differently, constant explaining
is exhasting, I have often thought of
making a "letter of intent for our
family" to send to our extended family." |
|
13:53:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
current chatter: 2MarchBabes ...upcoming
chatters: mllrym |
|
13:54:12 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
You're in good company. One of the
biggest challenges when pioneer
mothering" is regularly having to defend
and explain what you're doing." |
|
13:54:43 |
Webmama_Tina |
ugh, i hate that! |
|
13:54:48 |
2MarchBabes |
It would include research to back us up
and do some explaining |
|
13:54:57 |
Webmama_Tina |
if they'll even listen |
|
13:56:22 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
Culture is like water and we are like
fish swimming around in it. It's much
easier to see the culturally based
beliefs and behaviors of others than of
ourselves. Your confused extended family
is likely experiencing culture shock"
when they interact with your family.
What you're doing is different. It
doesn't make sense. And, because
everyone feels more comfortable with and
confident about their own cultural
stuff, it can generate real concern
about others who are doing something
very different." |
|
13:57:13 |
2MarchBabes |
Is it rude?, and do you have any
thoughts on things to include? |
|
13:57:26 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
I've known young mothers who really
struggled with their extended family.
And, slowly but surely, people started
recognizing the results: the children
are more compassionate, the children are
more content, the children are more
excited about life... It's hard to wait
for such results, though! |
|
13:58:28 |
Cynthia_Good_Mojab |
I don't think it's rude at all.
Especially when written with a spirit of
compassion for the confusion of others.
Imagine yourself in their shoes. They
probably need their love and care
recognized even while they are being
presented with new information... |
