|
12:05:03 |
Webmama_Tina |
today we are pleased to have joe kelly with us as our
guest speaker! |
|
12:05:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
joe, why don't you introduce yourself and tell us a
little about your background and experience |
|
12:05:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
and when you're done with your intro, just let us know
by saying something like ready for the first question"" |
|
12:05:34 |
joekelly |
I am Joe Kelly--President of the national advocacy
nonprofit Dads and Daughters (
www.dadsanddaughters.org 218-722-3942) and
Publisher of the national newsletter, Daughters: For
Parents of Girls (
www.daughters.com 888-849-8476) I am also
author of the following books. Dads and Daughters: How
to Inspire, Understand, and Support Your Daughter
(Broadway, 2003) The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being an
Expectant Father (Alpha, 2004) The Pocket Idiot’s Guide
to Being a New Dad (Alpha, 2004) The Body Myth: Adult
Women and the Pressure to Be Perfect with Dr. Margo
Maine (Wiley, June 2005) My wife Nancy Gruver created
the international, ad-free alternative magazine edited
BY and for girls 8-14 called New Moon: The Magazine for
Girls and Their Dreams (
www.newmoon.org
800-381-4743). We live in Duluth, Minnesota, although I
am from NJ and Nancy is from CT. Saving the best and
most important info for last: We have 24 year old twin
daughters, Mavis Gruver and Nia Kelly, who live in
California. |
|
12:05:52 |
Webmama_Tina |
and mamas, go ahead and start throwing out those
question marks and angie will gather them and let you
know who goes when. :) |
|
12:06:54 |
joekelly |
Fair warning--my typing is typically very questionable.
:) |
|
12:07:21 |
Webmama_Tina |
lol, no worries, joe |
|
12:07:53 |
Webmama_Tina |
you ready for some questions? |
|
12:08:02 |
joekelly |
yes ma'am! |
|
12:08:04 |
Webmama_Tina |
mamas, got your questions ready? |
|
12:08:26 |
Webmama_Tina |
haven't seen any question marks yet.... |
|
12:08:56 |
Webmama_Tina |
while we're waiting, joe, why don't you tell us what
your organization does....some specific examples.... |
|
12:09:09 |
willowsmom |
? |
|
12:09:40 |
joekelly |
Dads and Daughters (DADs for short) provides tools to
help men fully and positively use the influence we have
ion the lives of our daughters and stepdaughters. |
|
12:09:47 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): willowsmom |
|
12:09:59 |
Webmama_Tina |
go ahead and post your question willowsmom |
|
12:10:00 |
joekelly |
we also galvanize fathers (and daughters) to speak up
about marketing and public policy affecting girls. |
|
12:10:22 |
joekelly |
for example, we are currently in the midst of a campaign
working to save Tile IX |
|
12:10:25 |
willowsmom |
Hey, Joe. I have a 22 month old daughter...and...I have
issues. My husband is GREAT with her...but a lot of
times he just doesn't seem to grasp what she's (a)
saying and (b) feeling... I've been stepping back and
just letting their relationship grow... |
|
12:10:34 |
willowsmom |
is there anything I should be doing? or just let them
work it out? |
|
12:10:43 |
joekelly |
and, I am in between trips to various parts of the
country lecturing and doing workshops about fathering
issues. |
|
12:11:10 |
joekelly |
I think the best thing is to let them work it out. |
|
12:11:28 |
joekelly |
fathers tend to have a different parenting style, but
there are many forces in the culture... |
|
12:11:38 |
joekelly |
that tell them that they aren't very adequate parents. |
|
12:12:02 |
joekelly |
however, our kids need the presence and personality of
their dads, including the physicality and the work" of
..." |
|
12:12:09 |
joekelly |
communicating across age and gender. |
|
12:12:26 |
joekelly |
we dads get precious little training as boys... |
|
12:12:30 |
willowsmom |
That makes sense...I have a terrible relationship with
my dad. lol |
|
12:12:38 |
joekelly |
in the art of child care. |
|
12:12:53 |
Webmama_Tina |
? |
|
12:12:56 |
joekelly |
hence, I think women need to realize that their partners
are on a different learning curve... |
|
12:13:08 |
joekelly |
and then let them learn! :) next ?? |
|
12:13:12 |
willowsmom |
Thanks! :D |
|
12:13:15 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Webmama_Tina |
|
12:13:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
i guess that's me! :) |
|
12:13:51 |
Webmama_Tina |
you just made me think of a question...it would actually
be regarding boys...since you said that boys get
precious little training in the art of child care.... |
|
12:14:08 |
Webmama_Tina |
i am having a boy the end of june and i'd love to know
how to encourage fatherly skills in him as he grows |
|
12:14:11 |
marycatlumom |
? |
|
12:14:34 |
joekelly |
i think the big thing is to provide him opportunities to
take responsiblity for child care.... |
|
12:14:55 |
joekelly |
i grew up at the upper end of a boatload of cousins, and
so had to babysit" them a lot..." |
|
12:14:56 |
Webmama_Tina |
my husband, luckily, is very nurturing...so i know that
will help...but what are some examples of things i can
do to encourage nurturing and parenting skills in my
growing little boy? |
|
12:15:07 |
Webmama_Tina |
ah, babysitting... |
|
12:15:13 |
joekelly |
this really helped me a ton when we had kids and I
became an at-home dad.... |
|
12:15:41 |
Webmama_Tina |
i think that helped my husband too...he had a sister
with kids so he was very comfortable around kids, even
babies...although he never really babysat them |
|
12:15:43 |
joekelly |
i recently researched and found that the boy scouts
offer only a few family life merit badges, while the
girls scouts offer a ton... |
|
12:15:54 |
Webmama_Tina |
:( |
|
12:16:01 |
joekelly |
this reflects the cultural gender expectations that
child rearing is women's work.... |
|
12:16:10 |
Webmama_Tina |
yes it does! |
|
12:16:17 |
joekelly |
well, it is women's work....and it is ALSO men's
work.... |
|
12:16:31 |
joekelly |
so we have to start giving our sons the chance to
experience it. next ? |
|
12:16:34 |
Webmama_Tina |
what about dolls and playing house...i plan to encourage
this...have you found those to help in encouraging
nurturing in boys? |
|
12:16:47 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): marycatlumom |
|
12:16:54 |
joekelly |
I'm not sure about that.... |
|
12:17:10 |
joekelly |
i would definitely give him opportunities to care for
pets, as an example.... |
|
12:17:14 |
Vonnie |
? |
|
12:17:26 |
joekelly |
since that's something he can do at an early age to
practice nurturing.... |
|
12:17:36 |
joekelly |
also, make sure he is around nurturing men.... |
|
12:17:55 |
joekelly |
and that people (including you) don't show him less
affection because he's male. |
|
12:17:58 |
Webmama_Tina |
i was just thinking how play is child's work and that
imaginative play must help some in encouraging this :) |
|
12:18:21 |
joekelly |
i agree--and certainly wouldn't prohibit doll play..... |
|
12:18:26 |
Webmama_Tina |
right, no problem there...very nurturing men in my
family..not in dh's but we're not around them as much |
|
12:18:48 |
joekelly |
however, it's not likely to be a first choice for a boy,
so we need to have other tools in our pockets |
|
12:18:50 |
Webmama_Tina |
and surprisingly my dh turned out very nurturing, lol |
|
12:18:55 |
Webmama_Tina |
ah i see |
|
12:19:10 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok thankyou very much! |
|
12:19:14 |
joekelly |
what is a dvh? damned husband? ;) |
|
12:19:19 |
Webmama_Tina |
dear husband |
|
12:19:20 |
Webmama_Tina |
lol |
|
12:19:22 |
joekelly |
i meant dh |
|
12:19:30 |
Webmama_Tina |
or darn/damn, depending on the mood, lol! |
|
12:19:34 |
joekelly |
ok--i get it! next ? |
|
12:19:37 |
marycatlumom |
My husband and I have three daughters (ages 6,4,2). The
constant marketing to girls of immodest clothes,
gestures, etc. is very discouraging at times. What are
some of the best ways you would suggest for dads in
particular to help their daughters |
|
12:19:46 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): marycatlumom Vonnie |
|
12:19:50 |
joekelly |
2 things.... |
|
12:20:02 |
marycatlumom |
resist this marketing and develop a sense of modesty and
respect for themselves and their bodies? |
|
12:20:20 |
joekelly |
1) realize that the message underlying all that
marketing pressure is if you don't sexualize yourself
and obsess over appearance...."" |
|
12:20:31 |
joekelly |
then no man will notice you, and if no man notices
you...." |
|
12:20:36 |
joekelly |
you have no value as a female. |
|
12:20:44 |
joekelly |
as the 1st man in a girls life.... |
|
12:20:57 |
joekelly |
dad is in unique position to blow that LIE to
smithereens.... |
|
12:21:17 |
joekelly |
buy he does it by how he speaks & acts toward daughter
and ALL of the women in his life.... |
|
12:21:25 |
joekelly |
the simple way to think about this is to... |
|
12:21:37 |
Vonnie |
joe let me know when to go ahead |
|
12:21:40 |
joekelly |
simple imagine one's own daughter's face in the
picture.... |
|
12:22:00 |
joekelly |
ince you do that, then you're also likely to get very
POd about what the culture is doing to girls.... |
|
12:22:13 |
joekelly |
and the great thing about the DADs organization is how
we give fathers... |
|
12:22:27 |
joekelly |
a way to raise hell about this, by targeting messages &
campaigns... |
|
12:22:29 |
Webmama_Tina |
vonnie...angie will let you know |
|
12:22:48 |
Webmama_Tina |
go dads! LOL |
|
12:22:51 |
joekelly |
toward the people who send these marketing
messages...most of whom are men like me and your
daughter's father. |
|
12:23:06 |
joekelly |
so we, ask CEOs to put THEIR daughter's face in the
picture.... |
|
12:23:14 |
marycatlumom |
thank you! Also how do we help dads realize that they
are such an important component of their daughters (and
sons) lives when society seems to minimize the
importance of the dad in the lives of children? |
|
12:23:32 |
joekelly |
and we've actually succeeded in getting some ads and
products pulled. see our website
www.dadsanddaughters.org for more on this.
next ? |
|
12:23:53 |
joekelly |
I have a simple test dads can do..... |
|
12:24:19 |
joekelly |
when they go to work, ask 6 female colleagues about
their relationships with their dads.... |
|
12:24:28 |
joekelly |
he will not get a lukewarm answer... |
|
12:24:48 |
joekelly |
either it's my dad is my hero" or "my dad is a
@$#!@#"..." |
|
12:24:59 |
joekelly |
to me, that's empirical evidence of how important dads
arte.... |
|
12:25:25 |
joekelly |
as for the cultural messages that dads aren't import:
those are just untruths, so we must treat them the same
way.... |
|
12:25:44 |
joekelly |
we treat other untruths, like the notion that racism is
okay, etc. next ? |
|
12:26:13 |
marycatlumom |
You are so right! I am glad to know of your work and
your organization. Thanks! |
|
12:26:35 |
joekelly |
well, i hope you and he will get involved!! :) |
|
12:26:47 |
Melissa |
I have a question |
|
12:27:14 |
Vonnie |
tina do i go ahead? |
|
12:27:27 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Vonnie MOD_Angie Melissa |
|
12:27:38 |
Vonnie |
Hi on my part - my family it is the other way around |
|
12:28:01 |
Vonnie |
its just me and my son though - i wonder if there s a
way to teach" my boy nurturing parts without losing out
the "masculine" part" |
|
12:28:13 |
1stxmom |
hello |
|
12:28:25 |
Vonnie |
he's been involved with babies/teddies, strolling his
stroller, patting the teddies and all it is kinda funny |
|
12:28:28 |
1stxmom |
new to this website and I'm in need of help! |
|
12:28:32 |
joekelly |
there's a GREAT book called the courage to raise good
men" by olga silverstein that i highly recommend...." |
|
12:28:40 |
Vonnie |
bec i didn't teach him as i never was like that but what
can I do on my part as a mother to a future father |
|
12:28:49 |
Vonnie |
thanks |
|
12:28:50 |
Webmama_Tina |
sorry i was copying/pasting some of this to my dh...lol... |
|
12:28:52 |
joekelly |
and the other thing I would encourage all of us to do is
avoiding the gender straightjacket... |
|
12:28:56 |
Vonnie |
lol tina |
|
12:29:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
vonnie is up now...melissa, angie will add you to the
quee |
|
12:29:04 |
Webmama_Tina |
que |
|
12:29:17 |
joekelly |
that is, don't get too hung up on I'm the mom, he's the
Dad, he's the son, she's the daughter..... |
|
12:29:25 |
littleants |
? |
|
12:29:31 |
Webmama_Tina |
Welcome to this week's Mothering Sponsored chat! This is
a moderated chat. Please make sure you read and fully
understand the Moderated Chat Instructions before
participating in this chat. Instructions can be found
here:
http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm ...A
Friendly Reminder: Please do not post unless it is your
turn to ask a question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to the queue. Have
your question ready when your name is called." |
|
12:29:33 |
Vonnie |
ok - just that im doing BOTH so im trying to figure out |
|
12:29:43 |
joekelly |
the most important thing we have to offer our children
is 1) nancy and joe--people/individuals, not genders.... |
|
12:30:04 |
joekelly |
and 2) remaining always aware that mavis and nia are
individuals too---even thought they are identical twins! |
|
12:30:34 |
joekelly |
next ? |
|
12:30:45 |
Melissa |
I'm late getting in so you may be repeating... can you
give an example of a cultural message that Dad is not
important? |
|
12:30:48 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Melissa littleants |
|
12:31:18 |
joekelly |
a big example is our overall expectations for dads.... |
|
12:31:32 |
joekelly |
while i think this is changing slowly, most parts of our
culture... |
|
12:31:49 |
Vonnie |
thanks joe |
|
12:31:55 |
joekelly |
still expect mom to be the primary rearer and the
gatekeeper for all things child.... |
|
12:32:20 |
joekelly |
also, you look at sitcoms which portray dads who don't
know which end of the baby to put the bottle in. ;-)... |
|
12:32:43 |
joekelly |
anyway, it all adds up to the point that dads and moms
both internalize these notions, meaning... |
|
12:33:01 |
joekelly |
it takes proactive, conscious effort to break out and
parent our own way. next ? |
|
12:33:06 |
Melissa |
ok so in light of that... my husband has been passed a
very bad fathering legacy, how can I as his wife help
him break out of that? |
|
12:33:28 |
joekelly |
by not getting in the way of his relationship w/ the
kids.... |
|
12:33:40 |
joekelly |
by not hovering or correcting" his parenting style...." |
|
12:33:48 |
joekelly |
by offering to be a coach, rather than a teacher.... |
|
12:34:03 |
joekelly |
and by having both of you look back at his father and
find the positives.... |
|
12:34:21 |
joekelly |
as my grandma said, even a stopped clock is right twice
a day. |
|
12:34:23 |
joekelly |
next ? |
|
12:34:29 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): littleants MOD_Angie |
|
12:34:34 |
littleants |
I was looking at your website at the activism section
and noticed an article to tell NBC that woman are more
than just cleavage, but then I went to the celebrity
rags for charity and noticed the clevage on the donated
dress. |
|
12:35:01 |
littleants |
do you find that this sends a mixed message and does it
make fundraising more difficult? I know LLL has had
similar problems accepting donations. |
|
12:36:23 |
joekelly |
my POV is that we have to break free of the
media/marketing way of thinking of things as always
either/or.... |
|
12:36:35 |
joekelly |
for example, i believe that women are more than
cleavage, but... |
|
12:36:52 |
joekelly |
that women ought to be empowered by their sexuality in
our culture... |
|
12:37:08 |
joekelly |
and that they have every right to show off their
cleavage ... |
|
12:37:30 |
littleants |
do they do it as a right or b/c they feel like they have
to? |
|
12:37:50 |
joekelly |
but i am sick to death of our children (boys & girls)
being hammered with marketing that REDUCES females to
pseudo-sexuality & titillation & objectification. |
|
12:37:52 |
joekelly |
next ? |
|
12:37:56 |
littleants |
i mean this is the new" style of dress in hollywood, but
I sure wouldn't want my 16 yr old wearing it (if i had
one)" |
|
12:38:50 |
joekelly |
Not sure what more I can say--especially in short burst
w/ bad typing. :) geena davis is a great.... |
|
12:39:03 |
MOD_Angie |
what is your suggestion on how to get stepfathers and
daughter closer together? |
|
12:39:08 |
joekelly |
role model for girls, methinks--a smart, powerful woman
who sets her own agenda... |
|
12:39:32 |
joekelly |
even against the Hollywood tide. I'm tickled to have her
support for what we're doing. and tickled that she gets
it"" |
|
12:39:49 |
joekelly |
I think step dads face a tough road often. |
|
12:40:00 |
MOD_Angie |
no kidding |
|
12:40:10 |
joekelly |
we don't tend to think of them as allies or assets,
which we should.... |
|
12:40:40 |
joekelly |
as i mentioned before, it's important to make
room/time/space for stepdad to build relationship with
the kids.... |
|
12:40:56 |
joekelly |
and realize that doing the Disneyland Dad dance doesn't
work.... |
|
12:41:13 |
joekelly |
you build relationships with your kids by doing the
mundane stuff of daily life.... |
|
12:41:22 |
TDAD97 |
Yep |
|
12:41:29 |
joekelly |
what i call diaper your way to daddy-dom." ..." |
|
12:41:35 |
MOD_Angie |
what about if he isn't home enough to do those things? |
|
12:41:46 |
joekelly |
so make sure that we're encouraging stepdads to take on
the mundane responsibilities... |
|
12:41:58 |
joekelly |
carpooling, shopping, etc. that throw them together with
the kids.... |
|
12:42:06 |
joekelly |
and give them chance to connect.... |
|
12:42:24 |
joekelly |
contrary to popular belief, i think a kids w/
stepparents can be very lucky.... |
|
12:42:32 |
TDAD97 |
Not home enough by choice or by work? Some dads use
work" as an excuse (I know, I have before)" |
|
12:42:39 |
joekelly |
imagine a child with 4 adults positively and deeply
committed to the challenge... |
|
12:42:42 |
MOD_Angie |
work |
|
12:42:49 |
Webmama_Tina |
Friendly Reminder: Please do not post unless it is your
turn to ask a question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to the queue. Have
your question ready when your name is called. THANKYOU!
:)" |
|
12:42:57 |
joekelly |
and bringing all their gifts to the equations. that
child is blessed! next ? |
|
12:43:28 |
joekelly |
that child IS blessed, si? :) |
|
12:43:46 |
Webmama_Tina |
who's up next angie? |
|
12:43:47 |
Vonnie |
? (not a question but comment) |
|
12:43:55 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Vonnie TDAD97 |
|
12:44:02 |
Webmama_Tina |
okey dokey, go for it vonnie |
|
12:44:05 |
Vonnie |
TD you go ahead while I type |
|
12:44:16 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok then TDAD, you're turn, lol |
|
12:44:31 |
TDAD97 |
How come you never see dads in TV commercials unless
they're the bafoon"?" |
|
12:44:59 |
joekelly |
because of the cultural phenomena i discussed
above--basically, we think of fathers as second-class
parents.... |
|
12:45:01 |
MOD_Angie |
FYI, TDAD is my hubby! *) |
|
12:45:08 |
Webmama_Tina |
LOL angie |
|
12:45:12 |
joekelly |
that's a stupid thing to do, if for no other reason... |
|
12:45:21 |
TDAD97 |
I agree, joe |
|
12:45:28 |
joekelly |
than that we cut out half of the resources available for
parenting kids!!! |
|
12:45:36 |
joekelly |
so, if you don't like a comme4rcial that does this.... |
|
12:45:47 |
joekelly |
don;t just sit there, write a letter or make a call
to... |
|
12:46:09 |
joekelly |
the marketer, the publication/TV stations, etc.--and
make you voice (and your dollars) speak up for you. |
|
12:46:11 |
joekelly |
next ? |
|
12:46:24 |
Vonnie |
In my situation, we knew our real father who was around
but slowly going out", then my mom asked us permission
to marry our stepfather which we had no problem with -
my stepfather was a WONDERFUL man and a "dad" who I
currently call a Dad" |
|
12:46:43 |
Vonnie |
what my mom and dad did was to encourage relationship
with my real father - tho my father didn't take up to
that well |
|
12:46:44 |
Melissa |
? |
|
12:47:04 |
Vonnie |
leaving room" was what they did and my dad actually
encouraged a relationship with my father but allowed me
to choose" |
|
12:47:14 |
stephy |
? |
|
12:47:16 |
Vonnie |
i think thats what step parents could and should do -
leaving room for either ways |
|
12:48:01 |
joekelly |
I'm happy to hear your stepdad was such a good father to
you--and sad for both you and your bio dad that he
missed out on ... |
|
12:48:07 |
Vonnie |
:) |
|
12:48:14 |
joekelly |
part of the most amazing thing that can ever happen to a
man--being a dad. |
|
12:48:15 |
Webmama_Tina |
12 min left in this chat :) |
|
12:48:17 |
Vonnie |
I am fine with it |
|
12:48:26 |
Vonnie |
tho i am leaving room still if my father wants back in |
|
12:48:28 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Melissa stephy |
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12:48:37 |
joekelly |
well, it is never too late!! next ? |
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12:48:45 |
Webmama_Tina |
you're up melissa! ;) |
|
12:49:07 |
Melissa |
two questions: DH is very high stress, it's very
difficult for him to do things as a family. cont... |
|
12:49:27 |
Melissa |
would it be wise to encourage one on one to start, we
have four, three under 5 |
|
12:50:04 |
Melissa |
and do you think that the church in general has been an
encouragement to fathers |
|
12:50:14 |
joekelly |
your ? isn't clear to me.... |
|
12:51:13 |
Melissa |
if DH can't find it in himself to interact with the
whole family at once could he start doing things with
the children one on one? |
|
12:51:13 |
TDAD97 |
? |
|
12:51:47 |
joekelly |
yes, any time with kids is a plus... |
|
12:52:05 |
joekelly |
many dads actually schedule 1-on-1 time with kids which
i think is great.... |
|
12:52:26 |
joekelly |
as for the church question, that depends almost totally
on particular congregations..... |
|
12:52:33 |
joekelly |
the thing i tell dads is this.... |
|
12:52:55 |
joekelly |
you only get 1 crack at being a dad to your kid when
s/he is a child. so suit up and show up.... |
|
12:53:09 |
joekelly |
you can go back to chasing the other" brass ring
later...." |
|
12:53:18 |
Melissa |
thanks |
|
12:53:21 |
joekelly |
meanwhile, keep your priorities straight and keep your
eye on the ball.... |
|
12:53:30 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): stephy TDAD97 |
|
12:53:36 |
Webmama_Tina |
wow that's a great quote...and works for moms too |
|
12:53:45 |
joekelly |
if you're working 80 hours to have 3 cars and 2
houses---and your oldest kid is 10 years away from her
drivers license.... |
|
12:54:06 |
joekelly |
then it's time to reexamine how you are spending your
most precious asset--time with you kids. |
|
12:54:15 |
joekelly |
next ? |
|
12:54:39 |
Webmama_Tina |
stephy you're up! :) |
|
12:54:47 |
Webmama_Tina |
6min left in the chat |
|
12:54:59 |
joekelly |
and my typing hasn't improved a lick! :)
(note from Webmama--it has now cuz
i edited it, lol!) |
|
12:55:03 |
Webmama_Tina |
lol |
|
12:55:47 |
stephy |
my husband grew up w/out his dad in another state & very
little contact. how can i help him realize how
important he is in our family? he doesn't seem to
consider himself valuable so the majority of child care
has been mine (2 kids under 4). |
|
12:56:17 |
Vonnie |
lol |
|
12:56:20 |
joekelly |
earlier, I suggested that a dad go ask 6 female
colleagues about their relationships with their dads.... |
|
12:56:30 |
joekelly |
and said that he will not hear a lukewarm answer... |
|
12:56:49 |
joekelly |
either they worship or despise their dads. that's
empirical proof of how important we are.... |
|
12:57:01 |
joekelly |
we set the standard for what our kids expect from men
and from life partners.... |
|
12:57:16 |
joekelly |
this is a huge influence, whether we realize it or want
it or not.... |
|
12:57:42 |
joekelly |
so we MUST use it positively. i'd strongly suggest my
book Dads and Daughters" which talks in detail about
this very issue." |
|
12:58:00 |
joekelly |
does that help? |
|
12:58:17 |
stephy |
i totally agree, just can't get him to understand his
vital role with the kids! he does participate in family
activities, but doesn't have much confidence in his
abilities due, i'm guessing, to no examples. |
|
12:58:35 |
joekelly |
right--he probably doesn't have a lot to go on.... |
|
12:58:51 |
joekelly |
so keep coaching him, and both of you could reach out
for... |
|
12:59:07 |
joekelly |
veteran dads who could also coach him--guys who've been
down the road before him.... |
|
12:59:23 |
joekelly |
most important, this will help him realize that he's not
alone!!!! |
|
12:59:30 |
Webmama_Tina |
daddy/daughter day is a biggie in our house ;) |
|
12:59:45 |
joekelly |
we are walking encyclopedias of fathering experience and
wisdom, so we need to share it with each other.... |
|
12:59:58 |
stephy |
yes, now i'll just have to see if he'll actually read
it! i've been thinking about that too - not quite sure
how to hook up with a mentor dad, but I really like that
idea for him. |
|
13:00:06 |
joekelly |
at least as often as we share the latest info on our
fantasy football league. :) |
|
13:00:08 |
joekelly |
next? |
|
13:00:16 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): TDAD97 |
|
13:00:38 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok TDAD you're our last question! :) |
|
13:00:46 |
TDAD97 |
I agree with everything you say and too many dads are
missing out! What % of dads are less involved than they |
|
13:00:48 |
joekelly |
stephy: another thing might be to encourage HIM to
mentor other dads, which could build confidence that he
does know something--which he does! |
|
13:00:53 |
TDAD97 |
could/should be because of a) social conditioning /
cultural expectations of roles versus b) personal
choice? |
|
13:00:56 |
Webmama_Tina |
unless joe has time for one more...i do have one if you
have time, but no worries if you don't :) |
|
13:01:07 |
TDAD97 |
p.s. I had an absent dad (my parents divorced) and did
not want to be that kind of dad. yet, somehow it came
naturally to me |
|
13:01:08 |
joekelly |
I could do 1 wuick 1 |
|
13:01:14 |
TDAD97 |
to want to be very involved in all my current and future
kids' day-to-day lives. I think many dads falsely assume |
|
13:01:20 |
TDAD97 |
providing a big salary is their most important role |
|
13:01:52 |
joekelly |
I agree--we must broaden our definition of what it means
to be a provider.... |
|
13:02:11 |
joekelly |
we must provide $$, yes--but we must also provide our
time... |
|
13:02:23 |
joekelly |
masculinity, experience, comfort with risk,
physicality.... |
|
13:02:40 |
joekelly |
experience with the world, passion for
work/sports/whatever.... |
|
13:02:48 |
joekelly |
in other words, bring it all!!!! |
|
13:03:30 |
TDAD97 |
I agree 100% - so why don't more dads see this? |
|
13:03:38 |
joekelly |
My parting words would be: there's nothing like being a
father, so don't miss it! |
|
13:03:47 |
joekelly |
thanks for having me in/on today--this was fun. |
|
13:03:48 |
TDAD97 |
It's it poor choice on their part or social
conditioning? |
|
13:03:58 |
joekelly |
I don't know why... |
|
13:04:00 |
Webmama_Tina |
thank joe! |
|
13:04:03 |
TDAD97 |
Thanks |
|
13:04:06 |
Webmama_Tina |
you were great! very interesting topic! |
|
13:04:09 |
joekelly |
and the answer is both"--but the solution is US!" |
|
13:04:13 |
Melissa |
Thank you |
|
13:04:16 |
stephy |
thanks! |
|
13:04:16 |
Webmama_Tina |
especially for us moms to see dad's perspective and
importance! |
|
13:04:25 |
Webmama_Tina |
don't think of that all that much sometimes, in the
day-to-day grind of parenting |
|
13:04:56 |
joekelly |
thank you--bye-bye! |
|
13:04:57 |
Webmama_Tina |
is there an email people can send you further questions
joe? |
|
13:05:13 |
joekelly |
the best bet is to visit our website
www.dadsanddaughters.org |
|
13:05:24 |
Webmama_Tina |
okey dokey, email through there then :) |
|
13:05:36 |
Webmama_Tina |
great site...great chat! thankyou and have a nice day!!
:) |
|
13:05:38 |
joekelly |
frankly, we don't have the staff or sufficient expertise
to do a lot of answering individual situations.... |
|
13:05:49 |
joekelly |
that's a sad reality for us, but a very real one. |
|
13:05:52 |
Webmama_Tina |
:( |
|
13:06:40 |
Webmama_Tina |
thankyou all for joining us! if you are not yet on the
egroup, its a good idea to get on there... |
