|
13:03:14 |
Webmama_Tina |
today we are so very pleased to have dr
larry cohen with us again!!! |
|
13:03:18 |
Webmama_Tina |
always a pleasure, dr! |
|
13:03:31 |
Webmama_Tina |
why don't you introduce yourself and
tell us your area of expertise and
background |
|
13:03:44 |
Webmama_Tina |
in case there's someone here that is
*gasp* unfamiliar with your work |
|
13:03:46 |
Webmama_Tina |
;) |
|
13:03:55 |
Larry_Cohen |
Thanks Tina,and welcome everyone. I am
a psychologist specializing in childrne
and children's play, |
|
13:04:06 |
net |
? |
|
13:04:11 |
Larry_Cohen |
and the author of the book Playful
Parenting. You can learn much more at
playfulparenting.com, and |
|
13:04:23 |
Webmama_Tina |
and mamas, you go ahead and throw out a
question mark to get in line for asking
the dr a question and angie will let you
know when its your turn |
|
13:04:34 |
Larry_Cohen |
you can subscribe to the free playful
parenting e-newsletter by sending me an
email at subscribe@playfulparenting.com |
|
13:04:41 |
Larry_Cohen |
ready for the first question. |
|
13:04:49 |
Jenn4262 |
? |
|
13:04:55 |
Webmama_Tina |
net, it looks like you're first! |
|
13:05:15 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): net Jenn4262 |
|
13:05:21 |
net |
my son 5 does not like to play with toys
very much he is more interested in
inmagantive things like sticks lol or
what evey amuses him is this okay? |
|
13:05:25 |
Webmama_Tina |
? |
|
13:05:40 |
lstroyan |
? |
|
13:06:10 |
Larry_Cohen |
Absolutely OK. My rule about toys is
that they need to be more intersting
than the box they came in, and i guess i
would ad, they have to be more
interesting than sticks or rocks. enjoy
it with him! next Q |
|
13:06:42 |
spirit4ever |
? |
|
13:06:47 |
Webmama_Tina |
jenn, you're up! |
|
13:06:58 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Jenn4262,
Webmama_Tina, lstroyan, spirit4ever |
|
13:07:00 |
Jenn4262 |
My six year old is very domineering when
playing with other children; he always
has to be the boss, and if he isn't, he
will just play by himself. He is also
like this when playing with me. |
|
13:07:35 |
Jenn4262 |
How do I make him share, take turns,
etc? I swear I'm a good example for
him! |
|
13:07:41 |
debrown |
? |
|
13:07:51 |
Larry_Cohen |
I would do two things--one is give him
lots of opportunities to boss you
around, and really ham it up, beg and
plead to not be bossed, but end up doing
it at the end. |
|
13:08:31 |
Larry_Cohen |
the second thing is to tell him, during
playtime, that you want to give him a
hand with his need to be in charge so
much. you are going to give him a hand
by playing games with him that give him
a chance to be boss, and also by pushing
him a little bit-- |
|
13:09:05 |
Larry_Cohen |
when you push him, you may get giggles
or you may get tears and tantrums,
either way he is working through that
stuck" place. what doesn't work, as you
have learned, is lectures!" |
|
13:09:45 |
Larry_Cohen |
children have a need for closeness and a
need for control, and sometime one of
these needs dominates for a while. it's
good to help him see that he has both
these needs, and sometimes they
interfere with each other. |
|
13:09:52 |
Larry_Cohen |
next Q if that answers you... |
|
13:10:00 |
Jenn4262 |
Yes, thank you |
|
13:10:14 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Webmama_Tina,
lstroyan, spirit4ever, debrown, |
|
13:10:34 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok lets see...i'm full of questions for
ya, but here's one.... |
|
13:10:42 |
Webmama_Tina |
how do you playfully get children to
help clean up? |
|
13:10:49 |
Webmama_Tina |
i'm sure you get this one all the time
;) |
|
13:11:19 |
Larry_Cohen |
The first thing is to recognize that
often it is us grown ups who make a
clear distinction between fun time and
clean up time, and then we communicate
this to our children-- |
|
13:11:31 |
Larry_Cohen |
they pick up our dread of cleaning, and
replay that back at us. |
|
13:11:56 |
Larry_Cohen |
if we start fresh, and treat it as just
as potentially fun as play, or just as
big an opportunity for connection, it
goes better... |
|
13:12:41 |
Larry_Cohen |
for example, i don't mean making all
clean up a game, i mean an attitude of
let's do this together, we can make it
fun if you want, we can do it real fast
if you want. in addition, we have to
recognize that there is no inherent
natural reason... |
|
13:13:13 |
Larry_Cohen |
why they should care about cleanliness
as much as we do. look deeper into
their needs--maybe they'd like to keep
toys out longer, and not have them
disappear and have to start over. |
|
13:13:28 |
Larry_Cohen |
does that help or do you want to be more
specific about where it's tricky? |
|
13:13:43 |
Webmama_Tina |
specific examples of playful things to
say/do would be great |
|
13:14:03 |
Webmama_Tina |
she really responds well to playful
parenting...but i have a hard time
getting creative with it sometimes |
|
13:14:08 |
Webmama_Tina |
i like your games :) |
|
13:15:19 |
Larry_Cohen |
well, you can make it a race, you can
pick up stuffed animals and have them
say you can't clean up, you don't even
know what goes in the trash!" and the
child will prove the animal wrong. you
can close your eyes and bumble through
clean up, letting child lead you and
help you. you can act like the "happy
dense person" and not know where
anything goes, or how to carry it, and
they have to help you. how are those
for a start??" |
|
13:15:52 |
Webmama_Tina |
those are great! thankyou!!! |
|
13:15:53 |
Larry_Cohen |
you can also ham up being exasperated,
in a funny way |
|
13:16:19 |
Larry_Cohen |
next |
|
13:16:22 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): lstroyan,
spirit4ever, debrown |
|
13:16:48 |
lstroyan |
I tried to paste but it didn't work... |
|
13:17:01 |
MOD_Angie |
CTRL & V works |
|
13:17:35 |
lstroyan |
Sorry, I'll retype..... |
|
13:17:40 |
MOD_Angie |
ok |
|
13:18:30 |
lstroyan |
I have a 9yo son that struggles with
depression and anger...most of our PP
games are out of date. I'm looking for
ways to both get cooperation and help
his moodiness, which doesn't seem to be
related to any specific" lack of self
esteem. If you have gen" |
|
13:18:44 |
lstroyan |
general ideas, he's good at turning them
into specifics. Thanks! |
|
13:19:11 |
lstroyan |
(I tried to paste too much at once :) |
|
13:19:30 |
Larry_Cohen |
This age child, especially boys,
struggling with anger nad depression,
need lots of wrestling time, i've
found. they also need to be sure to no
hurt anyone, and of course to not get
hurt themselves... |
|
13:20:22 |
Larry_Cohen |
you can see larry's rules of wrestling
on my website, but mainly, set up the
groundrules first, and follow his lead
whether he wants to wrestle gently or
all out." it may need that he needs two
adults to be able to feel safe enough to
fight all out with no one getting
hurt..." |
|
13:21:07 |
Webmama_Tina |
Welcome to this week's Mothering
Sponsored chat! This is a moderated
chat. Please make sure you read and
fully understand the Moderated Chat
Instructions before participating in
this chat. Instructions can be found
here:
http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm
...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not
post unless it is your turn to ask a
question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to
the queue. Have your question ready when
your name is called." |
|
13:21:46 |
Larry_Cohen |
this type of fighting is safe and helps
release feelings that are hard to get
out any other way. it doesn't have to
be intense, though, some giggly
wrestling games work well too, like the
sock game (everyone tries to keep own
socks on and take other people's off.
if he likes to draw, using that to give
him a creative/emotional outlet is good
too. ... |
|
13:22:53 |
Larry_Cohen |
the other thing good with this age boy
is lots of playful physical contact,
fall over on top of him,. lay on top of
him, sit on him, all playfully and in a
fun spirit. make a deep connection
first before asking him to do something
you want him to do, and physcial contact
and eye contact are key. as someone
says, i forgot who, connection before
direction"" |
|
13:23:23 |
Larry_Cohen |
oh yeah, it is in a great book called
hold on to your kids, the chapter on
natural discipline is outstanding.
good luck! |
|
13:23:31 |
lstroyan |
Thanks! |
|
13:23:33 |
Larry_Cohen |
next q or specific follow up? |
|
13:23:33 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): spirit4ever,
debrown |
|
13:23:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
? |
|
13:24:19 |
minicooper |
? |
|
13:24:41 |
lcmidwife |
? |
|
13:24:42 |
Larry_Cohen |
on the subject of wrestling, make sure
to stop frequently, i like to use a code
word like banana that means stop. this
helps it from escalating out of control. |
|
13:24:50 |
Webmama_Tina |
spirit4ever, you're up! |
|
13:24:57 |
spirit4ever |
My 3 (almost 4!!) year old loves to turn
everything into guns, wooden blocks,
tools, even his little people. Do I just
let him pretend to shoot things and run
around catching bad guys? how do I play
this w/ him... I have a very hard time
playing in general |
|
13:25:38 |
Larry_Cohen |
this is hard, as i am sure many moms
will agree. it is normal, and nearly
universal, and i think pretend guns are
ok, but realistic looking toy guns are
not ok... |
|
13:25:50 |
Larry_Cohen |
i think you need to join in the play
with him, even though that is hard... |
|
13:26:11 |
Larry_Cohen |
you can say oh you got me" and fall
over, ham it up, or you can grab one of
the action figures and say "oh frank," |
|
13:26:32 |
Larry_Cohen |
you were my best buddy, we've been
through so many battles together, now
your head fell off, we have to get you
to the medics..."
02/15/06" |
|
13:27:17 |
Larry_Cohen |
this way, you have introducd themes of
friendship, loyalty, rescue, help in to
the play, it isn't just about aggression
anymore, and that helps a lot. also,
when you fall over dead, fall on top of
him (see earlier remarks on increasing
physical contact). |
|
13:27:19 |
Larry_Cohen |
next q |
|
13:27:24 |
debrown |
Thank for you input into keeping my
son's relationship with me from becoming
contentious sometimes. Current issue
we're dealing with: My 4 1/2 year old
will get his mind stuck on something and
just keep repearing it (I want to... I
want to...) |
|
13:27:24 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): debrown,
Webmama_Tina, minicooper, lcmidwife |
|
13:27:27 |
spirit4ever |
I also get somewhat embarrassed when he
plays this outside of the house |
|
13:27:31 |
debrown |
Sometimes we say OK, we'll do it when we
get home or It's not possible to do
right now, maybe tonight," but that
doesn't stop the verbal barrage." |
|
13:27:42 |
debrown |
Sometimes, of course, it's something we
can't do and he won't accept the No and
why not and perhaps an alternative
related suggestion" for an answer." |
|
13:27:51 |
debrown |
When it's a ridiculous request, it's
easy to say OK, how could we do that
now?" and end up in giggles." |
|
13:28:00 |
debrown |
When it's something doable that we can't
do, like I want a lollipop" when we
don't have any lollipops or he's had
enough, we get stuck. Any suggestions
to make this a fun time and not an
annoying, frustrating time?" |
|
13:28:29 |
lstroyan |
? |
|
13:29:08 |
Larry_Cohen |
first to follow up on embarrassing play
outside house--welcome to the club! i
think just a shrug and a smile is
enough, most parents understand. you
can also say, but only if its true, i
don't think trudy likes that game as
much as you do." (if you are making
this up, it backfires, though, so be
careful)" |
|
13:29:15 |
debrown |
(Sorry to interrupt spirit4ever. Also,
thought I had chosen a different color
for my input, but obviously I forgot to
apply" it)" |
|
13:29:23 |
Larry_Cohen |
now about debrown's question: |
|
13:30:28 |
Larry_Cohen |
those authors of hold on to your kids,
neufeld ad mate, have a great phrase in
this situation. they say you have to be
the wall of futility" to help them
realize the reality (when it is indeed a
reality, like the store is closed or
your sister isn't ready to give you a
turn yet or i am not changing my
mind(..." |
|
13:30:56 |
Larry_Cohen |
and you also have to be the angel of
comfort, to help them melt into tears
instead of staying stuck in resisting
the reality... |
|
13:31:03 |
spirit4ever |
? |
|
13:31:16 |
Larry_Cohen |
the tricky situation is when we could
answer yes or no, but we don't want to
say yes just because it's easier and
quieter.. |
|
13:31:54 |
Larry_Cohen |
in that case, it helps to thoughtfully
decide beforehand as much as possible
about your yesses and no's. it is also
ok to say, i didn't realize how much
this meant to you, i am willing to
reconsider.".." |
|
13:32:47 |
debrown |
So how do I convey those
recommendations? Even when I stay
perfectly calm for a definite, No," it
doesn't seem to help. Also, we are
pretty permissive in letting them try
whatever is possible, as long as it's
safe. We do admit when we're wrong,
too," |
|
13:32:49 |
Larry_Cohen |
but sometimes, this is just kids' ways
of geting out the tears of frustration
that they store up. so it's also ok to
say, softly and gently, i am going to
say no to this, i know it is hard, i'll
be glad to hold you, i think this is a
chance to let out a whole load of
frustration that's been building up... |
|
13:33:46 |
Larry_Cohen |
ok, so to move the situation from an
angry pleading or outrage to those tears
of release, we often need to move in
physcially closer, to interpret that
it's hard for them to let go of the
hoping and wishing... |
|
13:34:08 |
Larry_Cohen |
one more tecnique, in families where no
is relatively rare (which is good, i
think, but has side effects...) |
|
13:34:44 |
debrown |
Ah, we should emphasize that we Agree
with him that it's hard, but the answers
still No... That might help a bit. I
keep forgetting that it's not always
about the actual item that's the
problem, but a release for something
else. |
|
13:35:02 |
Larry_Cohen |
is to set upa time during playtime to
play with no, limits, rules, to say no
touching this pillow" and then play a
silly game, to make up a silly response
if he touches the pillow and then do it
in a fun way. that loosens things up a
lot, because in these families, no comes
rarely but with lots of emotion." |
|
13:35:05 |
ElijahsMommy |
? |
|
13:35:27 |
Larry_Cohen |
yes, it is often about something else,
but you can't convince them of that in
the moment, you just have to remember
it. |
|
13:36:15 |
debrown |
Hmmm. I'll think about that one.
(pillow game.) I didn't mean to imply
that no" was rare in our house, just
that we do try to let the child take the
lead. At any rate, thanks for the
additional input!" |
|
13:36:19 |
Larry_Cohen |
you can also express for them that part
of them feels angry and part of them
feels sad, part of them knoiws you won't
change your mind and part of them hopes
you will. |
|
13:36:22 |
Larry_Cohen |
next q |
|
13:36:25 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): Webmama_Tina,
minicooper, lcmidwife, lstroyan,
spirit4ever, ElijahsMommy |
|
13:36:29 |
Webmama_Tina |
i actually emailed you about this
before...but i am still concerned about
this issue. my daughter cries ALOT, ALL
the time...she is 5yrs old and i have
followed your advice to let her have her
tears (although admittedly this is not
always easy to do, and we do get
frustrated with her...it gets SO old!)
my concern is that no matter how much
outlet she seems to have...lots of tears
daily, and tons of drawing daily,
including about what she's feeling...she
still is so prone to crying and i am
worried that she is becoming an unhappy
child that is always overwhelmed by
life. is there anything that i can do to
help her other than what i'm already
doing? |
|
13:37:36 |
Webmama_Tina |
thank god we're homeschooling because i
KNOW she'd be called a crybaby" if she
were in public school ...which would be
absolutely devastating to my deeply
sensitive child. :(" |
|
13:38:01 |
Larry_Cohen |
the big question is, what is she like
after she hs cried and cried and gotten
through it to the other side? often,
kids cry a lot and we lsiten a while and
then say enough is enough, and they are
stuck in a cycle of never feeling done.
but if we wait till they are really
done, and evn encourage more, then often
we see the sun come out" after." |
|
13:38:33 |
Webmama_Tina |
well there are plenty of times when she
just moves on to the next thing...but
she's still so easily set off |
|
13:38:53 |
Webmama_Tina |
i mean, she'll finish crying on her own
and then move on...or get distracted |
|
13:39:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
she also doesn't like to be held when
she's crying, so i find it hard to know
what to do other than to say, i'm sorry
that makes you sad" or "i know that was
scary for you," or the like" |
|
13:39:38 |
Larry_Cohen |
also, there are two kinds of tears, some
are tears of release and relief, some
seem stuck and recycled, one clue about
the two kinds is whether she lets you
comfort her and make eye contact. the
trick is to move to the release kind of
tears, since she movs on on her own, i
am thinking maybe she isn't really done,
she is just done enough to move on, but
there is still a pile... |
|
13:40:25 |
Larry_Cohen |
even though it seems like how could
there be any tears left inside. if she
doesn't like to be held while crying, i
think occasionally you have to push her
through this and slowly slowly move
closer, even though this escaltaes the
crying and makes her angry at first... |
|
13:40:37 |
Larry_Cohen |
i think it also moves things towards
release tears."..." |
|
13:40:39 |
Larry_Cohen |
and also |
|
13:41:55 |
Larry_Cohen |
if she moves on, gently pull her back
onto your lap and say, let's talk about
that some more or tell me again what
happened, or let's look in your eyes and
see if there are any tears still left in
there about this...kids learn early to
hold in their tears, even these
sensitive crier kids, there is often
another pile underneath and when that is
out, things change dramatically. does
that make sense? |
|
13:42:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
i think so...but is this all there is to
do, just let them get it out and it will
help them deal with life better? |
|
13:42:54 |
Webmama_Tina |
because, while i dont' want to toughen
her up", i do feel like she cannot
possibly be happy with getting upset
about everything" |
|
13:43:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
i wonder if there's something i'm
missing in teacher her...in setting an
example on how to cope with life's
challenges.... |
|
13:43:39 |
Larry_Cohen |
yes! it works for you, doesn't it! it
does for me... i think people have tons
of uncried tears--i have never yet met
an adult in therapy who didn't have a
backlog of uncried tears. |
|
13:44:06 |
Webmama_Tina |
hmmm...perhaps i have some learning to
do on that subject myself...i'm not much
of a crier. |
|
13:44:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
not even when my son died |
|
13:44:25 |
Larry_Cohen |
of curse, teaching coping is good, but
that's AFTER the feeligns are released,
not instead of releasing them, i never
met a kid who benefited from sucking it
up... |
|
13:44:59 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok thankyou doctor, i'll have to do some
more thinking about this and watching
her and seeing what kind of tears she's
exhibiting. :) |
|
13:45:03 |
Larry_Cohen |
and yes, most of us adults are afraid if
we start crying we'll never stop, or
aren't aware of how many tears are left
inside uncried. get out those sad
movies and let em rip! |
|
13:45:05 |
Larry_Cohen |
next q |
|
13:45:08 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): minicooper,
lcmidwife, lstroyan, spirit4ever,
ElijahsMommy |
|
13:45:36 |
minicooper |
paste isn't working for me either grr |
|
13:45:45 |
Webmama_Tina |
CTRL V |
|
13:46:00 |
minicooper |
Thank you for doing these chats, it's my
first time here and I'm learning a
lot... |
|
13:46:00 |
Webmama_Tina |
you can't right click paste in the chat
room but the keyboard shortcuts work |
|
13:46:01 |
minicooper |
I did that |
|
13:46:06 |
debrown |
Also be sure to only paste a couple of
sentences at a time. |
|
13:46:13 |
Webmama_Tina |
that too :) |
|
13:46:30 |
minicooper |
My Question: My two year old son has
thrown toys since he's had the physical
capability to do so... nothing seems to
work, he thinks it's funny, he's the
same way with dumping his water bottle
on the coffee |
|
13:46:39 |
minicooper |
table... any suggestions? I've tried
being calm and asking him to put the
toys down or trying to get to him before
he hucks them at someones head, taking
them away doesn't work, etc. |
|
13:46:41 |
minicooper |
there we go |
|
13:46:41 |
minicooper |
thx |
|
13:46:58 |
MOD_Angie |
At this time, the queue is full.
Questions already in line will be asked,
but we cannot take anymore today. Sorry
for the inconvenience. |
|
13:47:18 |
downundermum |
hi all |
|
13:47:38 |
Webmama_Tina |
Welcome to this week's Mothering
Sponsored chat! This is a moderated
chat. Please make sure you read and
fully understand the Moderated Chat
Instructions before participating in
this chat. Instructions can be found
here: http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm
...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not
post unless it is your turn to ask a
question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to
the queue. Have your question ready when
your name is called." |
|
13:48:06 |
Larry_Cohen |
Hmm. sounds like he needs a a safe
opportunity to do this, maybe ouside,
maybe nerf toys in a special room, maybe
more water play at sink--some kids have
a huge need for certain kinds of play
and then they get stuck in trying to get
it out in unplesant ways... |
|
13:49:21 |
Larry_Cohen |
theer is also the possibility that it is
designed to get into a power battle with
you, but it sounds more like the joy of
physcial exertion. and don't worry that
he'll learn it's ok, when he has a safe
fun place to do it, with you cheering
him on and joinin gin instead of saying
stop no all the time, he'll get the
difference. i am going to go quickly to
next q without follow ups because of
time--so next q |
|
13:49:31 |
lcmidwife |
any thoughts on how to make
bedtime/naptime fun for a 2 year old,
besides reading their favorite stories.
Usually around naptime in particular we
have ourselves quite the struggle. |
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13:49:36 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): lcmidwife, lstroyan,
spirit4ever, ElijahsMommy |
|
13:49:43 |
minicooper |
thanks! |
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13:50:32 |
Larry_Cohen |
well that is a tough one because there
are so many possible explanations.
first of all, is the nap for your
benefit or his? if your yours, it may
not be fun, or even if for his, most
kids don't see naptime as fun--maybe
that is too high an expectation... |
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13:51:10 |
lcmidwife |
it is for both of our benefits. |
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13:51:31 |
Larry_Cohen |
also, be sure to fill up his cup" a lot
before nap and bed, so he can hold you
metaphorically while he is separated
from you by sleep...rituals of
transition, different lighting, special
pillow or animal, different music, can
all help with that tansition, too..." |
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13:54:06 |
Larry_Cohen |
but the key is all about security, he
needs to feel secure before he can rlax
into sleep, adn so you want to load him
up with security and let that security
seep into the naptime rituals. and this
goes for every question so far, one very
helpful thing to do when you are stuck
is to remember back (or ask your mother
for her memories) about when you were
that age--what was your napping attitude
like? that often gives us some
important insight. and again,
connecting before directing--sounds like
you do that with reading favorite books,
but add in more eye contact and cuddling
and see if that changes anything. next
q |
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13:54:08 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): lstroyan,
spirit4ever, ElijahsMommy |
|
13:54:13 |
lstroyan |
My question is also about cleanup. You
said not all play had to be a game, but
more of a team spirit. When and how do
we turn this into more independent
cleaning? I know many tricks…but it is
exhausting… |
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13:54:52 |
lstroyan |
I think this kid (same as depression q)
just has a deep cup...and I do take care
of myself and he's in school...still
it's tough and I'd like him to get a
little more independent. |
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13:57:09 |
Larry_Cohen |
yes, you put the energy into doing hte
cleanup yourself or into making it fun
so that it becomes part of their nature,
either way it is tiring. the first
steps of independence are not likely to
be about the things that you are most
interested in (clean up, or bedtime)
they are most likely to be in areas that
motivate him! so one thing to do is to
trade off independence he wants for
proof of responsibility in areas you
want. (if you can clean your room on
your own, you have proven you are
responsible enough to go to store on
your own, for example). and for kids
with deep-bottowmed or botomless cup, we
have to look for any signs of what hey
do that fills their own cups--and i
haven't met many kids who get their own
cups filled by cleaning their rooms!
sad but true. |
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13:57:12 |
Larry_Cohen |
next q |
|
13:57:22 |
MOD_Angie |
upcoming chatter(s): spirit4ever,
ElijahsMommy |
|
13:57:38 |
spirit4ever |
How do I playfully get my 3 yr old to
brush his teeth!!!!, and to add my son
is extremely....quirky... and I've
signed him up for gymnastics and a dance
class, both of which he only 1/2
participates, is there a way I could
help him participate for the |
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13:58:23 |
spirit4ever |
for the whole thing? |
|
13:59:05 |
spirit4ever |
I also have my 1 year old though that
seems to make things slightly more
difficult! |
|
14:00:17 |
Larry_Cohen |
i would do pretend teethbrushing and
pretend gymnastics during playtime, use
dolls or stuffed animals, make it very
silly play, the goal isn't teaching a
lesson" but releasing the tension that
seems to be getting in the way.
participating for half is a good start,
i'd gently push for a tiny bit more each
time. having the baby makes it harder,
because i would think that a hand on his
shoulder would help him focus better.
sadly, even though you're ready for him
to be more independent about
toothbrushing and classes, he isn't
ready to yet, but he'll get there!" |
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14:00:19 |
Larry_Cohen |
next and last q |
|
14:00:25 |
ElijahsMommy |
My question is at what ade do u think is
the best time to start disciplining
children/setting limits/saying no? My
one year old is very active. I do what I
can to not say no because i know he is
curious and exploring, but |
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14:00:50 |
Larry_Cohen |
well i'm 47 and i still don't like it... |
|
14:00:53 |
ElijahsMommy |
it gets diff when I have to take
something away from him and say no. He
will cry but go right back to whatever
it is I was telling him not to |
|
14:01:56 |
Webmama_Tina |
LOL dr |
|
14:01:58 |
ElijahsMommy |
I want him to feel free to express
himself and explore, but don't want to
control every little thing, But I do
want him to listen |
|
14:02:01 |
ElijahsMommy |
LOL |
|
14:03:17 |
ElijahsMommy |
Also do u ever feel that a person can
baby a boy too much, by letting him cry
and just trying to tend to him |
|
14:03:30 |
Larry_Cohen |
just kidding--but i don't think it is a
matter of age. i think that when we have
to frustrate them we then have to stick
around for their sad and angry feelings,
it is only fair, and that doesn't make
it easier for them in teh short term,
but it helps them in the long term. we
ste our limits and say no as gently and
lovingly as possible (if all our no's
are harsh, then that's a problem), there
is no reason we can't say no as lovingly
as yes, but they will be sad about it,
and that's normal. so we stick around
and listn , and prevent them from doing
it again--they are just checking to see
if this is really a limit--and we
provide the comfort as well as the
reality. and we make sure our limits
are reasonable, not just out of our
whim. and we provide other
opportuniteis for creative exploration
where they can go a long while without
hearing no--though that';s another whole
long story-- |
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14:03:51 |
Larry_Cohen |
thanks so much for being part of this
chat, and check out playfulparenting.com |
|
14:04:18 |
Webmama_Tina |
thankyou doctor!!! |
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14:04:26 |
ElijahsMommy |
THank u |
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14:04:27 |
Webmama_Tina |
as always another AWESOME CHAT!!! |
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14:04:32 |
Larry_Cohen |
i appreciate all the thoughtfulness
about parenting and thinking about young
people that i always see on this site. |
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14:04:39 |
lstroyan |
This was great - thanks SO much. |
|
14:04:39 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
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14:04:51 |
Webmama_Tina |
i am almost done with your book, by the
way! |
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14:04:53 |
Webmama_Tina |
awesome! |
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14:04:55 |
spirit4ever |
Thank you |
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14:04:58 |
Webmama_Tina |
i highly recommend it to everyone |
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14:05:02 |
Larry_Cohen |
and no, you can't baby boys too much by
giving them love and letting them have
their feelings and enjoyin ghteir
humanity! |
