Wed Aug 25 22:25:45 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I've been teaching Positive
Wed Aug 25 22:25:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Discipline classes for about 4 years.
Wed Aug 25 22:26:16 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:How can I help my 2.5yr old stay off his 8mo old sister. He
loves her so much but tries to hug her while she is crawling around
and squishes her or "shares" his blankie with her by wrapping it
over her head and then laying on top of her so she can't see
Wed Aug 25 22:26:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I have two kids -- a son, age 11 and a daughter, age 8.
Wed Aug 25 22:26:20 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:and can't get away
Wed Aug 25 22:26:51 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:or "tickles" her in the face
Wed Aug 25 22:26:53 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:LOL!! This sounds so "cute" when you describe it, but I'm
sure it's frustrating.
Wed Aug 25 22:27:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Are you familiar with the four mistaken goals of
misbehavior/
Wed Aug 25 22:27:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:?
Wed Aug 25 22:27:23 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:we try "tickle her tummy or feet but not her face" we try
to explain that she cries because it hurts her or scares her
Wed Aug 25 22:27:36 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:sounds vaguely familiar but far away too
Wed Aug 25 22:27:54 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So do you think that your son understands what to do but
has a different motive?
Wed Aug 25 22:28:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What is your gut feeling about that?
Wed Aug 25 22:28:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:woops, forgot to tell y'all...you don't have to tell me
your question.....just PM me that you have one...save the questions
for kelly
Wed Aug 25 22:28:35 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:I think he is trying to love her (most of the time because
sometimes he has a wicked smile as he squishes her) but gets too
rough or doesn't do it in a way that is nice to her
Wed Aug 25 22:28:46 2004:tiptoe
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:29:02 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Let's explore the 4 mistaken goals for a minute.
Wed Aug 25 22:29:10 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:29:11 2004:njella
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:29:12 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:ok
Wed Aug 25 22:29:24 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:When he is bothering your 8 mo., which group of words best
describes YOUR feelings?
Wed Aug 25 22:29:39 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:a) annoyed, worried, guilty
Wed Aug 25 22:29:40 2004:WeeHands
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:29:49 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:b)challenged, threatened, provoked
Wed Aug 25 22:29:57 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:c) hurt, disappointed
Wed Aug 25 22:30:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:d) totally helpless
Wed Aug 25 22:30:11 2004:Crystal
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:30:21 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:welcome to all our newcomers! please PM me if you have a
question (not the question, just that you have one) and keep side
conversation to private messages.
Wed Aug 25 22:30:23 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:frustrated because I can't seem to teach him how to express
his love and defensive/protective for her because she is being hurt
Wed Aug 25 22:30:36 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:so I think a and d
Wed Aug 25 22:31:05 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:If the adult feels a)annoyed, worried, guilty, then the
child's mistaken goal is attention.
Wed Aug 25 22:31:12 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Actually it's UNDUE attention.
Wed Aug 25 22:31:15 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:we are taking turns with our questions...feel free to just
sit and "listen" if you like
Wed Aug 25 22:31:22 2004:mcb
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:31:33 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:All children need attention and children require ALOT of
attention.
Wed Aug 25 22:32:03 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:But at times, children can get the mistaken idea that they
need all of the attention most of the time in order to feel
important in their family.
Wed Aug 25 22:32:11 2004:tiptoe
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 22:32:35 2004:gconnoll_67
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:32:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Would it feel right to you to say that maybe your son is
trying to get you to notice him by doing things to his sister that
he knows will bother you?
Wed Aug 25 22:33:10 2004:gconnoll_67
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 22:33:16 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:no because when he is doing things to her to bother me he
hits her or steps on her hand or takes a toy away. I know he is
trying to love her
Wed Aug 25 22:33:48 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How do you usually react?
Wed Aug 25 22:34:10 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:When he is putting the blanket or her head, etc.?
Wed Aug 25 22:34:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Whoops! ON instead of or
Wed Aug 25 22:34:31 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:when he is loving her, I tell him to get off her and
explain that she is crying and telling him please stop
Wed Aug 25 22:34:53 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:when he hits her, I usually raise my voice <sheepish
admission>
Wed Aug 25 22:35:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Oh, NO ONE here has EVER raised their voice at their kids,
right?
Wed Aug 25 22:35:11 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg::)
Wed Aug 25 22:35:15 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg::)
Wed Aug 25 22:35:18 2004:Crystal
[0/] Msg:yeah right! ;)
Wed Aug 25 22:35:27 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I need everyone to chime in here.
Wed Aug 25 22:35:44 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:I am guilty too
Wed Aug 25 22:35:49 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:guilty :/
Wed Aug 25 22:35:50 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Yep, mee too
Wed Aug 25 22:35:54 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:oh me too
Wed Aug 25 22:35:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I want to wrap up so we have time for more questions. I
have an idea to ask you about though.
Wed Aug 25 22:36:04 2004:WeeHands
[0/] Msg:guilty but working on it
Wed Aug 25 22:36:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Do you have a time of day when you spend time alone with
just your son and his sister is asleep or isn't around?
Wed Aug 25 22:36:20 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*chuckle*
Wed Aug 25 22:36:28 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:totally guilty
Wed Aug 25 22:36:47 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:rarely- she WONT sleep... she is too busy but I try to
spend one on one time with him
Wed Aug 25 22:36:59 2004:capo
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:37:26 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I am still wondering if his mistaken goal is undue
attention. One way to test this is to walk out of the room when he
does this. If he does anything to get you to notice,
Wed Aug 25 22:37:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:then he's probably trying to get your attention.
Wed Aug 25 22:37:53 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:he will do it if I am not in room just as often as if I am
in the room
Wed Aug 25 22:37:58 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:He might follow you or he might escalate his behavior
Wed Aug 25 22:38:03 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:either by making noise himself
Wed Aug 25 22:38:10 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:or my doing more to his sister so that she will cry louder.
Wed Aug 25 22:38:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Okay, that's good to know.
Wed Aug 25 22:38:37 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Really, toddlers and babies together need constant
supervision and that's so exhausting to do.
Wed Aug 25 22:38:51 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:One idea is to model for your baby what she can not do for
herself.
Wed Aug 25 22:38:57 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:And this is modeling for your son as well.
Wed Aug 25 22:39:13 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:he will do it if I am paying direct attention to him. I
really believe he is trying to love her- he is a very gentle child
most of the time but doesn't know his strength/weight
Wed Aug 25 22:39:16 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Ignore your son and gently scoop up your infant and walk
out of the room with her.
Wed Aug 25 22:39:38 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:ok I will try that
Wed Aug 25 22:39:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:This is showing your daughter (eventually she will get this
message as she gets older) that she should walk away when someone is
hurting her
Wed Aug 25 22:40:03 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh that's good!
Wed Aug 25 22:40:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:AND your son will see that people will not stick around
when someone is not respecting them.
Wed Aug 25 22:40:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Also keep telling your son what TO DO as you have been,
modeling soft touches, etc.
Wed Aug 25 22:40:34 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You may want to teach him some simple finger plays to do
with her or songs to sing to her.
Wed Aug 25 22:41:14 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Since your son is so young, it is really hard for him to
understand the whole concept of respecting others so it will take
him a while to learn.
Wed Aug 25 22:41:34 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:I know he thinks it is funny if she crawls on him- he
doesn't understand he can't crawl on her
Wed Aug 25 22:41:42 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:One Positive Discipline message to use in this situation is
"Decide what YOU will do, not what your child will do."
Wed Aug 25 22:41:59 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, he has no concept of how fragile she is.
Wed Aug 25 22:42:02 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i should write that down, lol
Wed Aug 25 22:42:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You can't control what your children will do, but you can
control how you respond.
Wed Aug 25 22:43:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I hope that helps a little. It is different in chats. In my
classes that I teach IRL, we sometimes role play with someone
playing the parent and someone playing the children.
Wed Aug 25 22:43:49 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:And the parent tries different responses and the "kids" in
the role play process how they feel.
Wed Aug 25 22:44:22 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Marisa, I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but actions
speak louder than words.
Wed Aug 25 22:44:40 2004:Leah
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:44:53 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:thank you
Wed Aug 25 22:44:58 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Wow!! It's 10:30~
Wed Aug 25 22:45:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that's one of the things i really like that i got from
jane's books...to DO more, say less
Wed Aug 25 22:45:12 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:brenda is next
Wed Aug 25 22:45:22 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:DD, 4, is very strong-willed and persistent and when I tell
her not to do something, sometimes she will look right at me and
keep on doing it. How do I enforce limits respectfully?
Wed Aug 25 22:45:27 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You're welcome. It's ALOT of work to have parent two young
kids.
Wed Aug 25 22:46:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I would suggest the PD action of "Say it once, then shut
your mouth and act."
Wed Aug 25 22:46:27 2004:natmother
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:46:28 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:Yes, but how to act?
Wed Aug 25 22:46:34 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Act respectfully of course and again, "Decide what YOU will
do, not what your child will do."
Wed Aug 25 22:46:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Another idea is to walk over to her and give her a genuine
hug -if you are able ----if you aren't too bothered by her actions.
Wed Aug 25 22:47:18 2004:hiyamom
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:47:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What's one example of what she does in front of you?
Wed Aug 25 22:47:36 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:right, but just today she was getting into my papers and I
told her not to touch them and IMMEDIATELY, she grabbed handfuls and
flung them across the room
Wed Aug 25 22:48:14 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:it's like she knows that I'll act right away, so SHE acts
right away first
Wed Aug 25 22:48:16 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:One idea that works well is to focus her on what you want
her TO DO instead of what you do not want her to do.
Wed Aug 25 22:48:41 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 22:48:54 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:48:59 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So, instead of saying, "Don't touch my papers" try, "Come
give me a hug" or "Tell me what you need right now" anything that
focuses her on what TO DO.
Wed Aug 25 22:49:04 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:I do the TO DO suggestions with her, but she's very wise on
that
Wed Aug 25 22:49:24 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Ah.!! Yes, she's four. Do you know about giving limited
choices.
Wed Aug 25 22:49:25 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:?
Wed Aug 25 22:49:27 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:I know she probably needs more attention, but it's hard
Wed Aug 25 22:49:58 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Do you have special time scheduled with her daily?
Wed Aug 25 22:50:04 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:Limited choices...she always chooses something not on the
list, lol
Wed Aug 25 22:50:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, I know about those "C" kids. LOL!
Wed Aug 25 22:50:28 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You offer them A or B and they will always choose C.
Wed Aug 25 22:50:34 2004:ravingcutie
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 22:50:40 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:that's her to a T
Wed Aug 25 22:50:41 2004:natmother
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 22:51:00 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:And I don't feel right giving her NO choices
Wed Aug 25 22:51:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:My intuition (as much of it that can happen on the web)
tells me to suggest to you to work on the relationship with her.
Wed Aug 25 22:51:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I agree that a child like this needs choices.
Wed Aug 25 22:51:53 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:I know I need to do this, but as a single parent, it's hard
to juggle everything...she does get lots of my time during the day,
but it's not predictable
Wed Aug 25 22:51:57 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Actually all 4 yo's need choices. I love Alfie Kohn's
quote: "Children do not learn to make decisions by following
directions. They learn to make decisions by making them."
Wed Aug 25 22:52:16 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Leah hello
Wed Aug 25 22:52:29 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Do you have any rituals built into the day such as morning
rituals or nighttime?
Wed Aug 25 22:52:31 2004:briterfly
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:52:41 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Are you getting any time for yourself?
Wed Aug 25 22:52:50 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oooh, i'm writing that one down too, kelly! you have great
quotes!
Wed Aug 25 22:52:54 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:no time for myself...that would be key, I suppose?
Wed Aug 25 22:53:10 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I steal them and collect them from other people. :)
Wed Aug 25 22:53:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I have my friend, Bonnie to thank for that Alfie Kohn one.
Wed Aug 25 22:53:48 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, Brenda. Brainstorm and brainstorm to find a way to get
some time for yourself --to nurture yourself.
Wed Aug 25 22:53:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Does your dtr. go to preschool?
Wed Aug 25 22:54:05 2004:briterfly
[0/] Msg:hi all - just joining
Wed Aug 25 22:54:07 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:I'll work more on the rituals...we do have some, but often,
when busy, they are just not done
Wed Aug 25 22:54:30 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi briterfly!
Wed Aug 25 22:54:34 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:No preschool...plan to homeschool
Wed Aug 25 22:54:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, it's very hard to keep rituals going. One idea is to
make a chart for your rituals. --A bedtime chart possibly and put
your dtr. in charge of it.
Wed Aug 25 22:54:49 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:How do I get "in line" to ask a question
Wed Aug 25 22:55:01 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:welcome to all newcomers...PM me if you want on the
question list
Wed Aug 25 22:55:12 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:double click on my name to the right to PM me
Wed Aug 25 22:55:14 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Work together with your daughter to design the routine,
then make a routine chart with index cards.
Wed Aug 25 22:55:18 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:(private message)
Wed Aug 25 22:55:27 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:I think more of a daily routine will help....thanks for the
reminder
Wed Aug 25 22:55:39 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Your daughter can either draw the parts of the routine or
cut pictures out of magazines and glue them on with glue sticks.
Wed Aug 25 22:55:41 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Webmama_Tina Webmama_Tina I would like to ask a question
Wed Aug 25 22:55:41 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i am keeping a log of who asks questions when...first come,
first serve
Wed Aug 25 22:56:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Then punch a hole in all of the cards and loop them
together. Flip each card over after you've completed that part. I am
guessing....
Wed Aug 25 22:56:25 2004:briterfly
[0/] Msg:hmmm that is a good idea - i like the flip chart idea
Wed Aug 25 22:56:26 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:sounds wonderful...I'll try that
Wed Aug 25 22:56:27 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:that she will love making this and being the one in charge
--the one who keeps both of you on schedule.
Wed Aug 25 22:56:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Involve her in simple cooking and meal preparations if you
aren't doing so .
Wed Aug 25 22:57:08 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 22:57:12 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:oh, we love to cook together...we do most things together
Wed Aug 25 22:57:12 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Try to enjoy preparing meals together.
Wed Aug 25 22:57:14 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 22:57:29 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I will suggest one more thing and then we can go on to
another question.
Wed Aug 25 22:57:46 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Does she have playdate with other children so that you
aren't the main play mate?
Wed Aug 25 22:58:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Brenda, that's great to hear that you cook together!
Wed Aug 25 22:58:28 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:yes, we do playdates frequently and have a wonderful
homeschooling community with tons of children
Wed Aug 25 22:58:32 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Tina should I shorten my answers so we can get through the
list?
Wed Aug 25 22:58:57 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Brenda, have you read the book, "The 5 Love languages of
Children"?
Wed Aug 25 22:59:16 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:No, I haven't...I will check it out
Wed Aug 25 22:59:36 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think you might like it . Ignore the few suggestions
about punishment. The rest of the book is great!
Wed Aug 25 22:59:47 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:thanks, kelly
Wed Aug 25 23:00:05 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think it might help you work on the relationship. But
also work on YOU!!!! :) Give yourself some gifts of time and
nurturing.
Wed Aug 25 23:00:12 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:I'm really turned off by punishment...hopefully I can make
it through the book
Wed Aug 25 23:00:13 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You're welcome
Wed Aug 25 23:00:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:well, i think its ok right now...just try to keep it
moving. :) you're doing great! we only have 7 on the list...you're
at number 2
Wed Aug 25 23:00:22 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:so its still managable
Wed Aug 25 23:00:34 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:There are only a few comments about punishment in the book
and the author suggests to use it sparingly.
Wed Aug 25 23:00:48 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh that book is awesome! i read it too!
Wed Aug 25 23:00:54 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Okay, who's next?
Wed Aug 25 23:00:58 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:time outs are considered punishment, right?
Wed Aug 25 23:01:22 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:bumwrap (jen)
Wed Aug 25 23:01:30 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:What to do with a 4 yo that is strong willed to the
extreme. I feel helpless & frustrated. She does seem to want
attention 24/7. She tries to be involved in my time with my other
children too.
Wed Aug 25 23:01:31 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Well, it depends on how they are used. In PD, time outs are
used to help children learn calming skills --when a child is very
upset.
Wed Aug 25 23:01:45 2004:Brenda
[0/] Msg:ok, thanks
Wed Aug 25 23:01:52 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Hi Jen!
Wed Aug 25 23:01:56 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:My biggest problem is bedtime. She will not stay in bed.
Wed Aug 25 23:01:58 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:Hi!
Wed Aug 25 23:02:01 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What is your 4 yo's birth order?
Wed Aug 25 23:02:02 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:She will play with toys & book ( I took them all out now)
or bug brother who has school the next day. He was complaining so
much we moved him in our room. So now there are 4 in our room & she
is alone in the only other bedroom
Wed Aug 25 23:02:17 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:Very frusterating!
Wed Aug 25 23:02:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:OH MY!! That does sound frustrating.
Wed Aug 25 23:02:42 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:Brother is 7 & little sister is 2.5
Wed Aug 25 23:03:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Do you remember the key feelings for the mistaken goals?
Wed Aug 25 23:03:17 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:from above?
Wed Aug 25 23:03:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think we really need to look at her mistaken goal first.
Wed Aug 25 23:03:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes.
Wed Aug 25 23:03:25 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:I would say A &D
Wed Aug 25 23:03:43 2004:mommy2caeli
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:03:43 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:she wants attention 24/7
Wed Aug 25 23:04:02 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Some kids get the mistaken idea that they need attention
all of the time to be important in the famil.
Wed Aug 25 23:04:03 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:has to be involved in everything
Wed Aug 25 23:04:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:y
Wed Aug 25 23:04:11 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:that is her
Wed Aug 25 23:04:23 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:she is VERY strong willed.
Wed Aug 25 23:04:25 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Does she have jobs to do around the house such as helping
get dinner on the table or feeding a pet, etc.?
Wed Aug 25 23:04:46 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:yes, she has several jobs
Wed Aug 25 23:05:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How does she react to her jobs?
Wed Aug 25 23:05:09 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:She hates them
Wed Aug 25 23:05:18 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:she learned it from brother
Wed Aug 25 23:05:18 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Do you have special time planned either daily or weekly
with her?
Wed Aug 25 23:05:22 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:yes
Wed Aug 25 23:05:35 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:she tries to get in the other kids times too
Wed Aug 25 23:06:02 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How do you normally react about the bedtime issue. And to
everyone, I ask this to help me to better understand the mistaken
goal, not to put anyone on the spot.
Wed Aug 25 23:06:29 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:If anyone is familiar with the mistaken goal chart, there
is a column that tells about how the adult usually acts and that is
another key to the mistaken goal.
Wed Aug 25 23:06:45 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:I use to be nice about it but afer 2 years of it I can get
pretty grumpy
Wed Aug 25 23:06:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:None of us are perfect parents and that's not what PD is
about, so please no one feel embarrased (sp?) about what they do.
Wed Aug 25 23:07:02 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:I am fed up with it
Wed Aug 25 23:07:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I've made all of the mistakes that most other parents have.
Wed Aug 25 23:07:27 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So is the special time done at home when she is around?
Wed Aug 25 23:07:41 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think I'd be near the end of my rope as well.
Wed Aug 25 23:07:42 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:yes
Wed Aug 25 23:07:49 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:while DS is at school
Wed Aug 25 23:08:04 2004:treena
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:08:09 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:but she seems to want it 24/7
Wed Aug 25 23:08:09 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Wow! This is a really tough one.
Wed Aug 25 23:08:37 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Have you tried acknowledging her feelings? Saying someone
like, "You really wish you could have me all to yourself, don't you?
Wed Aug 25 23:08:48 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:No respect for mom or dad.
Wed Aug 25 23:08:53 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:yes
Wed Aug 25 23:08:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Trying to put her feelings into words --so that she knows
that YOU understand how she feels.
Wed Aug 25 23:09:02 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:OK
Wed Aug 25 23:09:20 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:how do I keep her in bed?
Wed Aug 25 23:09:33 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Oh, that's right. This ? was about bed.
Wed Aug 25 23:09:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg::)
Wed Aug 25 23:09:45 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:besides tying her up... Just kidding!
Wed Aug 25 23:09:46 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I had bedtime issues with my kids too.
Wed Aug 25 23:09:47 2004:JustMe&2
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:10:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think again, I will suggest that you really can't MAKE
her stay in bed and feel like a respectful parent.
Wed Aug 25 23:10:26 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Two suggestions are:
Wed Aug 25 23:10:30 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:it doesn't hel that DH gets home at 11 pm & she is still
awake
Wed Aug 25 23:10:33 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:umm...........i had some information given to me a while
back that could be interesting
Wed Aug 25 23:10:47 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:Through my child's Waldorf teacher
Wed Aug 25 23:10:48 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Decide what you will do. I have locked myself in my bedroom
before and read a book. I had to stay in there a really long time
once.
Wed Aug 25 23:11:16 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:WE are all trying to go to sleep & she gets up & finds
candy or things to get into
Wed Aug 25 23:11:26 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:yeah...................
Wed Aug 25 23:11:32 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Take her by the hand and walk her back to her bed WITHOUT
words. Before doing this, role play with her what you will do.
Wed Aug 25 23:11:43 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:OK
Wed Aug 25 23:11:50 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:She will probably SMILE with a huge grin the first time
that it is night time and you really do walk her back without words.
Wed Aug 25 23:12:15 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:I know I just got here so please keep this in mind when i
offer these suggestions..................
Wed Aug 25 23:12:32 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think one parent had to walk her child back 37 times one
night, but it decreased the next night and decreased more the next
night.
Wed Aug 25 23:12:40 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:OK
Wed Aug 25 23:12:48 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:sounds like her
Wed Aug 25 23:12:51 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think this is something that will not change over night.
Wed Aug 25 23:13:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:It will probably take a while.
Wed Aug 25 23:13:00 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:it has been 2 years so far
Wed Aug 25 23:13:04 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:UGH
Wed Aug 25 23:13:14 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Have you asked her what she wants?
Wed Aug 25 23:13:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What do you think she is gaining by coming out?
Wed Aug 25 23:13:36 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So she isn't in a preschool program?
Wed Aug 25 23:13:39 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:it is always, potty, drink, or whatever
Wed Aug 25 23:13:43 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:she was last year
Wed Aug 25 23:13:53 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:but no money this year to do it
Wed Aug 25 23:13:55 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:try and see how calm things are before
bed..................things like stories should be
low-key...............and music is big too........make sure it's
really calming...........like meditation music.............My
Wed Aug 25 23:14:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I'm just thinking that it might help you to have a break by
having some space for the two of you.
Wed Aug 25 23:14:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Those books by Ames and someone else --Your One Year Old,
Your Two Year Old, etc.
Wed Aug 25 23:14:24 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:My daughters teacher told me that even classical music can
be too quick for a child that is trying to go to sleep
Wed Aug 25 23:14:30 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Read the one on Your Four Year Old.
Wed Aug 25 23:14:35 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:OK
Wed Aug 25 23:14:40 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:I will check the liberary
Wed Aug 25 23:14:45 2004:Crystal
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:14:46 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I'm pretty sure that the author suggests some space with 4
yo's if parents are having struggles.
Wed Aug 25 23:15:02 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:also, if you are thinking about how qui ckly you want to
leave and the things you need to do your child will pick up on it
Wed Aug 25 23:15:05 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You can be creative by trading kids with a friend, etc.
Wed Aug 25 23:15:11 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:15:14 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:forever???
Wed Aug 25 23:15:17 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:15:18 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:15:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:LOL!
Wed Aug 25 23:15:32 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:any takers???
Wed Aug 25 23:15:33 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:15:42 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:you know her marisa!
Wed Aug 25 23:15:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:For a playdate. :)
Wed Aug 25 23:15:48 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:darn
Wed Aug 25 23:15:48 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:becca is cute jen but I got my hands full right now LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:15:49 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I love your sense of humor, Jen.
Wed Aug 25 23:15:51 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:lol
Wed Aug 25 23:15:59 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:TY!
Wed Aug 25 23:16:12 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:This one is a toughie and I'd really like to know if
anything helps.
Wed Aug 25 23:16:22 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:It's 11.
Wed Aug 25 23:16:26 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:pm
Wed Aug 25 23:16:29 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:OK
Wed Aug 25 23:16:30 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What do we do now?
Wed Aug 25 23:16:33 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:8 here
Wed Aug 25 23:16:38 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Msg:Thanks!
Wed Aug 25 23:16:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:are you here for 2 hours? i had it marked down as a 2 hour
chat...but maybe i had that written wrong?
Wed Aug 25 23:17:03 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:alot of us here are west coast
Wed Aug 25 23:17:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You're welcome, but I'm not sure about what to suggest
here. It's sounds like you are giving her plenty of what she needs.
Wed Aug 25 23:17:16 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Oh!!!
Wed Aug 25 23:17:28 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:jessica is next....logansmom...but do you need to go kelly?
Wed Aug 25 23:17:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think I just assumed one hour because I had only attended
one hour chats on other chat sites before.
Wed Aug 25 23:17:43 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh i'm sorry!
Wed Aug 25 23:17:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i don't know where i got the 2 hours from
Wed Aug 25 23:17:53 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i've done both
Wed Aug 25 23:18:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:No, I can stay. I'm a night owl actually. I hate to go to
bed on time but I do it anyway when I have to.
Wed Aug 25 23:18:10 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:My question is more about begining PD with my 1.3 yo son
Wed Aug 25 23:18:11 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh ok, great!
Wed Aug 25 23:18:16 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Hi Jessica.
Wed Aug 25 23:18:25 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:hi
Wed Aug 25 23:18:52 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:oky.
Wed Aug 25 23:18:54 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:I am really struggling with the basics like getting him not
to throw things
Wed Aug 25 23:18:54 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Whoops!
Wed Aug 25 23:18:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Okay.
Wed Aug 25 23:19:09 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What kinds of things is he throwing?
Wed Aug 25 23:19:50 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:when he is in his high chair and he is throwing foor, I
tell him we don't throw food and I take his food away, then he tells
me he is hungry so i give it back and he eats a bit more
Wed Aug 25 23:19:58 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:then he throws it again
Wed Aug 25 23:20:15 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:i don't want to always be telling him NO for everything
Wed Aug 25 23:20:18 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Sometimes we adults get frustrated with behaviors that are
very developmentally appropriate.
Wed Aug 25 23:20:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Does he throw the food again after you have given it to
him?
Wed Aug 25 23:20:40 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:I try the re direct for most things, but in 5 min he goes
back to it
Wed Aug 25 23:21:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:He is probably going through a stage that he is supposed to
be going through ---something his brain is telling him to experiment
with.
Wed Aug 25 23:21:25 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:yes, he looks me dead in the eye and drops it on the floor
as I am asking him not to do that, or telling him the dog does not
eat Logan's food
Wed Aug 25 23:21:31 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:ok
Wed Aug 25 23:21:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Most kids throw food or drop things from their high chair
tray and most parents get annoyed because to us it IS annoying.
Wed Aug 25 23:21:47 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:I guess I am just looking for re assurance that re direct
is a good thing
Wed Aug 25 23:21:59 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, it is and it's exhausting at times.
Wed Aug 25 23:22:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Keep telling him what he CAN do.
Wed Aug 25 23:22:11 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:for things like messing with the vcr
Wed Aug 25 23:22:20 2004:WeeHands
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:22:33 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:i come from a line of yellers and spankers so I don't have
a lot of knowledge
Wed Aug 25 23:22:34 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You may want to try to figure out some item that he CAN
throw off of the high chair and direct him to that.
Wed Aug 25 23:22:46 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:ok
Wed Aug 25 23:23:02 2004:erika
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:23:03 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh that's a great idea!
Wed Aug 25 23:23:08 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:i will keep re directing
Wed Aug 25 23:23:10 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:thanks
Wed Aug 25 23:23:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Maybe first thing before the food, give him a safe toy
(like one of those texture balls with the grip tubes on the outside)
and show him how to throw that.
Wed Aug 25 23:23:25 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Msg:ok
Wed Aug 25 23:23:54 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:24:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:shannon is next
Wed Aug 25 23:24:09 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Hi. My dd is 16mos. She is very clingy and attached to me
most of the day. If I put her down she starts to scream and throw a
tantrum. She won't play independantly. How can I get her off of me?
Wed Aug 25 23:24:09 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:24:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:And childproof, childprood, childprood so you don't have
the VCR issue. I was SO glad that our t.v. armoire (sp?) thing had a
top shelf. We put the VCR on the top shelf and the kids couldn't
reach it.
Wed Aug 25 23:24:24 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Hi Shannon.
Wed Aug 25 23:24:27 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Hi
Wed Aug 25 23:24:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Has she always been this way or does this seem to be a
stage?
Wed Aug 25 23:25:04 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:ALWAYS!!
Wed Aug 25 23:25:11 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:She is very clingy
Wed Aug 25 23:25:20 2004:mcb
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:25:20 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:I can't pee by myself
Wed Aug 25 23:25:29 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh been there, done taht
Wed Aug 25 23:25:32 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that
Wed Aug 25 23:25:33 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:25:37 2004:Beckie
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:25:45 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:She may be one of "those" children. I have a friend who has
a child is very clingy and shy. The child is 3 yo. and has never
spoken to me!!
Wed Aug 25 23:26:07 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:she is breastfed and we co-sleep. Everyone says that is why
she is like this
Wed Aug 25 23:26:21 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Could that be true???
Wed Aug 25 23:26:50 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I would guess that when she is two, she will be wanting to
explore the world, but one never knows.
Wed Aug 25 23:27:11 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:How can I stop the tantrums though? I don't give into them
Wed Aug 25 23:27:25 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:I let her know that when she is done, mommy will hold and
hug her.
Wed Aug 25 23:27:44 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Well, I nursed my daugther until she was 16 months and
though she did start out in the crib, she would be in my bed in the
middle of the night. She has always been very independent.
Wed Aug 25 23:27:58 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:that's good to know!
Wed Aug 25 23:28:02 2004:logansmom528
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:28:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What is she interested in right now? Any certain toys or
musical instruments?
Wed Aug 25 23:28:13 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Does she have any blocks?
Wed Aug 25 23:28:30 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:She loves books. I have read her every book over and over
and over again. i can recite them without looking.
Wed Aug 25 23:28:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I'm wondering if you could try to have things out that
would really be attractive to her developmental stage if she might
venture out.
Wed Aug 25 23:28:48 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:She has blocks, but only throws them at me. I prefer a
ball. Doesn't hurt as much. LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:28:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Ah, yes.
Wed Aug 25 23:29:00 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:shannon...mine was exactly the same way and she's going on
4 now and i do finally get to pee by myself...they do grow out of
it, trust me
Wed Aug 25 23:29:03 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Wed Aug 25 23:29:12 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So what is she tantrumming about?
Wed Aug 25 23:29:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You putting her down?
Wed Aug 25 23:29:27 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Yep. I HAVE to hold her all day.
Wed Aug 25 23:29:46 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:got a sling? that helps TREMENDOUSLY
Wed Aug 25 23:29:53 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:**a side note, she is almost potty trained because she is
in there with me all the time**
Wed Aug 25 23:30:00 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:lol shannon
Wed Aug 25 23:30:10 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:I can't wear a sling. I have a herniated disc and a
horrible back (wonder why)
Wed Aug 25 23:30:12 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Well, there's something good to say about the situation!!
Wed Aug 25 23:30:31 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yikes! would a backpack not work either?
Wed Aug 25 23:30:38 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:and my ds nursed and we coslept etc and he has never been
really clingy until lately when shy but would not interact with
others... it isn't because thye are AP parented but because thye are
shy
Wed Aug 25 23:30:44 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:No, puts presure in the wrong place.
Wed Aug 25 23:30:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:But I think at 16 months, that she needs some floor time to
develop her brain and her muscles right now.
Wed Aug 25 23:30:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ah bummer
Wed Aug 25 23:31:11 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh right, she is older baby
Wed Aug 25 23:31:12 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:She walked at 8 months, and will play on the floor so long
as I am down there with her. But I can't do that all day
Wed Aug 25 23:31:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How does she do with your significant other?
Wed Aug 25 23:31:48 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:He works nights and sleep days. So he only sees her for
about an hour. She is ok with him when she see's him.
Wed Aug 25 23:32:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I agree that you can't do that all day and that it is
probably best for her at this age to be able to be a few feet away
from you.
Wed Aug 25 23:32:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Are you able to leave her with him and go out by yourself?
Wed Aug 25 23:32:36 2004:Beckie
[0/] Disconnect:67.181.182.145
Wed Aug 25 23:32:37 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:I did once, last month for a few hours. First time in 15
months.
Wed Aug 25 23:32:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How did it go?
Wed Aug 25 23:33:07 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:She was fine with him, He is just always too tired to do
anything. (different issue)
Wed Aug 25 23:33:22 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:She only does this with me!
Wed Aug 25 23:33:32 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ah yes
Wed Aug 25 23:33:44 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*smiling knowingly* hehe
Wed Aug 25 23:33:45 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:She will be fine with other people. I walk into the room,
and I have to hold her, and jump to her every whim
Wed Aug 25 23:33:52 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Ever since we became parents, my dh has has a night out
each week and I have had a night out each week. Most every other
night we are together as a family.
Wed Aug 25 23:33:53 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*nodding*
Wed Aug 25 23:34:17 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Sorry have to chuckle. I never get an hour off.
Wed Aug 25 23:34:21 2004:Beckie
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:34:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Would your SO be open to a scheduled time each week that
you go out and he keeps her?
Wed Aug 25 23:34:47 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Nope. I have to pull teeth with him to go get the mail
without her.
Wed Aug 25 23:35:02 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:My night out has always been Tuesday nights, but I have
heard of moms going out on Sat rmornings or Sun mornings, Sun
afternoons, etc.
Wed Aug 25 23:35:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:mine is daddy/daughter day and THEY go out
Wed Aug 25 23:35:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Go find your pliers.
Wed Aug 25 23:35:23 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i get to stay home and do my work on my computere
Wed Aug 25 23:35:25 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:computer
Wed Aug 25 23:35:39 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:I go back to work this Friday. He has to watch her for 3
hrs and he is witching.
Wed Aug 25 23:35:39 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:we got a zoo pass and they have a blast
Wed Aug 25 23:35:49 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Does your SO have a time that he goes out to do stuff just
for him?
Wed Aug 25 23:36:20 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:No, he just really sleeps and works. It is an hour drive
each way in good weather and traffic. so that's all he does
Wed Aug 25 23:36:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I wonder if you could work out a schedule that gives both
of you some time away. Even an hour and a half once a week would
help both of you I think.
Wed Aug 25 23:37:27 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Is a babysitter an option so that you and SO can go out for
dinner?
Wed Aug 25 23:37:33 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:I agree. We are working on it. That is why I am going back
to work part time. I work 1 day a week in the office, and the other
3 days from home. (Not sure how that is goign to work)
Wed Aug 25 23:37:39 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Will your dtr. stay with anyone else?
Wed Aug 25 23:38:06 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:My mom, but she will only do it once and a while, and she
refuses to follow any rules.
Wed Aug 25 23:38:13 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Like a issue mentioned before, I think this is one of those
problems that will be solved in baby steps with your dtr.
Wed Aug 25 23:38:24 2004:mommy2caeli
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:38:39 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:I know. Thanks for your help, and listening. It was nice to
be able to vent.
Wed Aug 25 23:38:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:If you feel resentful that you are holding her all day, it
won't be a good thing for either of you.
Wed Aug 25 23:38:52 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok, i'm next! :)
Wed Aug 25 23:38:58 2004:Shannon
[0/] Msg:Thanks again!!
Wed Aug 25 23:39:22 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You're welcome Shannon. Sometimes I noticed that if I just
talked about a problem that it seemed to get a little better
afterwards.
Wed Aug 25 23:39:30 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Hi Tina!
Wed Aug 25 23:39:32 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok, i have a super-sensitive dd who will be 4 in nov....
Wed Aug 25 23:39:59 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:she has always been super sensitive...cries CONSTANTLY
(well, it seems that way)...about EVERYTHING
Wed Aug 25 23:40:02 2004:mommy2caeli
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:40:14 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:screams when she gets frustrated...i mean SHRIEKS
Wed Aug 25 23:40:38 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and lately has been scared of EVERYTHING
Wed Aug 25 23:40:45 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think you are talking about my dtr. We lovingly call her
the Drama Queen.
Wed Aug 25 23:40:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh yes, bigtime
Wed Aug 25 23:41:09 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:she's always been this way...but it seemed to have
escalated at 3
Wed Aug 25 23:41:26 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and then when we lost her baby brother....its
understandably gotten worse
Wed Aug 25 23:42:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Well, yes.!!
Wed Aug 25 23:42:00 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:my problem is that i am never quite sure how to react....i
have tried many different approaches....i feel like i need a script
to say....
Wed Aug 25 23:42:20 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:something loving and respectful when she tells me she's
scared...but i have a feeling she's not really scared, she's just
looking for attention
Wed Aug 25 23:42:29 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Here's your script.
Wed Aug 25 23:42:40 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:she gets scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the
day! says its too dark!
Wed Aug 25 23:42:40 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You feel _____________ because ____________ and you wish
_______________.
Wed Aug 25 23:42:52 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Insert the situational words into the blanks.
Wed Aug 25 23:43:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i'm not always sure what the reason is though
Wed Aug 25 23:43:16 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:oh I love that !
Wed Aug 25 23:43:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You feel scared to go to the bathroom because it's dark and
you wish that there was lots of light in the bathroom.
Wed Aug 25 23:43:30 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok, that works, lol
Wed Aug 25 23:43:45 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You can guess at the reason OR ask for more information
before using your script.
Wed Aug 25 23:43:46 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:it just gets so old, ya know?
Wed Aug 25 23:44:01 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:This is a simple script for acknowleding feelings.
Wed Aug 25 23:44:09 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:Yeah...............a parents emotions has a factor in
everything
Wed Aug 25 23:44:09 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Oh, I KNOW!!!
Wed Aug 25 23:44:11 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i have tried really coddling her because this really seems
a time to coddle...we all need coddling...we all miss baelin
Wed Aug 25 23:44:34 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:maybe that's what's created the challenge
Wed Aug 25 23:44:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You can also add a silly twist (which an help the parent
cope!)
Wed Aug 25 23:44:44 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:but the shrieks and the cries get so irritating and i snap
sometimes
Wed Aug 25 23:44:53 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:and it's difficult to move away from that without seeming
insensitive?
Wed Aug 25 23:45:18 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You wish the whole hous was lit up all of the time with big
sparkling lights so that you could see EVERYWHERE you GO, don't you?
Wed Aug 25 23:45:20 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:there are times when she's crying and i honestly don't even
know why!
Wed Aug 25 23:45:41 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:Yeah..............it sounds like you want to went
Tina................
Wed Aug 25 23:45:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:My best parenting tool has been my sense of humor ---which
by the way I had to develop. I overreacted emotionally at first.
Wed Aug 25 23:46:02 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i will try that kelly
Wed Aug 25 23:46:21 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i have done some of that in the past...but i don't think
i've done that in awhile
Wed Aug 25 23:46:41 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:what about for screaming?
Wed Aug 25 23:46:41 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I have to use my sense of humor daily to stay sane!!!
Wed Aug 25 23:46:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:she will get upset with a friend and just SCREAM!!
Wed Aug 25 23:46:57 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:Sometimes we just want to vent and know it's
okay................
Wed Aug 25 23:47:27 2004:tiffiny
[0/] Login:
Wed Aug 25 23:47:28 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:One idea is to give her some tools to use instead of
screaming. When both of you are in a calm and good mood, brainstorm
with her about other things
Wed Aug 25 23:47:29 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:she and njella's little boy really go at it with the
screaming...lol
Wed Aug 25 23:47:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:she can do instead of scream.
Wed Aug 25 23:47:40 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Then role play with her.
Wed Aug 25 23:47:53 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok thanks!
Wed Aug 25 23:48:15 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i do give her words all the time...she's so darn pig headed
and won't use them
Wed Aug 25 23:48:37 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Practice over and over again to help her learn to say
things like, "Stop, I don't like it when you take the doll" or to
simply walk away when she's feeling frustrated and THEN later to
come back to solve the problem
Wed Aug 25 23:48:54 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i constantly tell her "you could say...madhava, i'm still
using that, give it back please"...she refuses, lol...but i continue
because i know its gotta sink in eventually
Wed Aug 25 23:48:57 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Are you familiar with the Wheel of Choice?
Wed Aug 25 23:49:02 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:Tina is really good about that
Wed Aug 25 23:49:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:no i'm not...what's the wheel of choice?
Wed Aug 25 23:49:21 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:thanks angela!
Wed Aug 25 23:49:25 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Most typical 4 yo's can use the Wheel of Choice with
practice.
Wed Aug 25 23:49:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Cut a circle out of cardboard about the size of a dinner
plate.
Wed Aug 25 23:49:59 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Draw lines on the cardboard to "divide" the circle into pie
sections.
Wed Aug 25 23:50:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Then brainstorm as a family for "way to solve problems"
---they must be ways to solve problems that are respectful --that
don't hurt otthers.
Wed Aug 25 23:51:02 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:like what, for example?
Wed Aug 25 23:51:26 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Write each idea in a pie shaped section and write it pretty
small so there's lots of room left in the pie section to draw a
picture of what each solutions looks like.
Wed Aug 25 23:51:34 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:1. Use your words.
Wed Aug 25 23:51:39 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:2. Walk away and calm down.
Wed Aug 25 23:51:45 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:3. Ask an adult for help.
Wed Aug 25 23:51:48 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:4. Wait your turn.
Wed Aug 25 23:51:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ahhh
Wed Aug 25 23:52:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:so do you spin it when there's a conflict? or is it just an
exampl
Wed Aug 25 23:52:21 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:e?
Wed Aug 25 23:52:31 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So then there's a picture that represents each way to solve
a problem. My kids learned the drawings/symbols pretty quickly.
Wed Aug 25 23:52:49 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I made the symbols very simple --stick figure and arrows.
Wed Aug 25 23:53:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that would be mine since i cannot draw, lol
Wed Aug 25 23:53:16 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:When there is a conflict with another person, the child
chooses something from the wheel to solve the problem.
Wed Aug 25 23:53:27 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh cool
Wed Aug 25 23:53:48 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Like the other four year olds that we have discussed
tonight, it's very important to them that they have choices and that
in their minds, they don't alway do what their parents want them to
do
Wed Aug 25 23:53:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i'll try that!
Wed Aug 25 23:54:11 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So she may be more interested in using her words is SHE is
the one who chose it instead of you suggesting it.
Wed Aug 25 23:54:34 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh good thinking! she is pretty strong willed in that sense
too!
Wed Aug 25 23:54:40 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:good idea
Wed Aug 25 23:54:45 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think there's an example of the choice wheel on a web
site. I'll look and see if I have it saved. They call it Kelso's
choice, but it's a PD thing.
Wed Aug 25 23:54:47 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok, i don't wanna hog the time....leah's next
Wed Aug 25 23:55:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I'm going to minimize my chat window for a moment while I
look.
Wed Aug 25 23:55:19 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:HI,I have two boys age 15 mo and 4 years, my prblems is
with the older one
Wed Aug 25 23:55:41 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Actually he is really well behaved most of the time except
with his brother
Wed Aug 25 23:55:51 2004:Shannon
[0/] Logout:_
Wed Aug 25 23:56:14 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:He acts out frequently with his brother and pushes him or
jut moves him around roughly
Wed Aug 25 23:56:25 2004:bumwrap
[0/] Disconnect:69.110.91.107
Wed Aug 25 23:56:25 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh another 4yr old! what is it about 4? LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:56:48 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and i was so hoping 4 was going to be easier! maeven won't
be 4 til nov
Wed Aug 25 23:56:54 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:3 has been SOOOOO challenging!
Wed Aug 25 23:56:55 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:The little one always gets hurt, I have tried many things
including time outs and talk ing to him about using ur hands gently
Wed Aug 25 23:57:07 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:you guys are making me lose hope! LOL
Wed Aug 25 23:57:23 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Great, so I have a 2 year old now, and I have 4 years old
to look forward to??
Wed Aug 25 23:57:33 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh this sounds just like marisa's issue...eh marisa?
Wed Aug 25 23:57:36 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:The choice wheel might be a good idea for your 4 yo. as
well.
Wed Aug 25 23:57:37 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:just a different age
Wed Aug 25 23:57:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I do want to explore the mistaken goals though.
Wed Aug 25 23:57:56 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:lol beckie!
Wed Aug 25 23:58:01 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How do you feel when he is rough with your 15 mo.
Wed Aug 25 23:58:02 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:?
Wed Aug 25 23:58:06 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:I know there are a few underlying issues including.....he
is jealouse, I nurse the young one and have more one on one with him
Wed Aug 25 23:58:28 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, I think that is probably your main issue.
Wed Aug 25 23:58:43 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Is is possible to schedule some more one on one time with
your 4 yo.?
Wed Aug 25 23:58:52 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:I get fustrated because he seems to never think about it
before he acts but when he sees me loking at him when he does is he
runs to time out spot
Wed Aug 25 23:59:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Maybe taking him out for errands with you while your 15 mo
stays with someone?
Wed Aug 25 23:59:26 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You may want to acknowledge his feelings.
Wed Aug 25 23:59:31 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:I do have one on one with him to we do grocery together and
other daily activities
Thu Aug 26 00:00:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Saying something like, "It's really hard being a big
brother sometimes, isn't it? I'm so busy taking care of your little
brother."
Thu Aug 26 00:00:29 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:"It's really hard to be patient sometimes, isn't it?"
Thu Aug 26 00:00:29 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:he is a great kid but just acts out with the little guy and
I feel like I have been overly punishing because he always really
hurts hs brother and I get upset
Thu Aug 26 00:01:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Instead of punishing him, help him figure out a way to
somehow make up for his behavior or fix his mistake.
Thu Aug 26 00:01:12 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Should I do timeout for obviouse pushing or redirect or
what?
Thu Aug 26 00:01:27 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Can you give and example
Thu Aug 26 00:01:43 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Sorry my spelling is horrible
Thu Aug 26 00:01:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:He probably feels pretty guilty about hurting his brother
even though he may not show it. When he helps mend the problem and
make up for it, it will help him feel better and know that even
though he makes mistakes,it's not the world and he can have a chance
to make things "right" in his mind.
Thu Aug 26 00:02:08 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Don'[t worry about spelling.
Thu Aug 26 00:02:16 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I make so many typos.
Thu Aug 26 00:03:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Example: First you may want to hug him if you are able to
without being upset. This is HUGE to kids and calms everyone donw.
Thu Aug 26 00:03:05 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:down.
Thu Aug 26 00:03:20 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:I feel like I might have dmage his confidence some with all
this puishing and he is so wondeful most of the time but I just
don't want anyone to seriously get hurt
Thu Aug 26 00:03:22 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Next you might say something like to acknowedge his
feelings as I mentioned above.
Thu Aug 26 00:03:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:THEN follow with something like, "You've done something to
hurt your brother. Can you think of anything you can do to make him
feel better?"
Thu Aug 26 00:03:47 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:that was punishing
Thu Aug 26 00:04:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:He probaby won't be able to think of anything at first and
you can offer some limited choices or suggestions.
Thu Aug 26 00:04:11 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:That is possibly the one thing I have never tried
Thu Aug 26 00:04:38 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:He could give his little brother a hug and tell him he's
sorry. He can draw a picture for his little brother to either let
him know that he's sorry or to cheer him up.
Thu Aug 26 00:04:39 2004:erika
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:04:54 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:He can sing his brother a sweet song or do a finger play
with him.
Thu Aug 26 00:05:09 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:what is that jane nelsen quote about making kids feel
better so they act better?
Thu Aug 26 00:05:17 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i have to remind myself of that
Thu Aug 26 00:05:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I forgot to mention to ONLY do this after your 4 yo. is
calm. So you may have to work on calming skills first.
Thu Aug 26 00:05:18 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:He does have some speech delays and the speech path
suggested that he is using actions for a lack of saying how he feels
Thu Aug 26 00:05:25 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Exactly Tina!
Thu Aug 26 00:05:30 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:He is never ang
Thu Aug 26 00:05:59 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I did a training for child care workers where I made a
"Heal the Hurt" bucket.
Thu Aug 26 00:06:09 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i want to write down the one where she says that we have a
mistaken idea about making them act better we first make them feel
worse...what is it again?
Thu Aug 26 00:06:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:It's a simple sand bucket with
Thu Aug 26 00:06:27 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:he is never angry pushing him just rough with his hands if
that mkes since, just in general play he is so rough
Thu Aug 26 00:06:27 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i'm filling my quote book up tonite, lol
Thu Aug 26 00:06:29 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:Webmama_Tina seeing how this works
Thu Aug 26 00:06:33 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:a heart paper taped on it.
Thu Aug 26 00:06:33 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:never mind
Thu Aug 26 00:06:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:In the bucket are some band-aids, an ice pack and some
crayons and paper for drawing.
Thu Aug 26 00:07:18 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:oooh, I like this idea!!
Thu Aug 26 00:07:25 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:The idea is to give children opportunities to help mend
what they hurt --whether it's feelings or body parts.
Thu Aug 26 00:07:41 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:that is a great idea
Thu Aug 26 00:07:47 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh i like that!!!
Thu Aug 26 00:07:53 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:"Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make
children do better, we must first make them feel worse?"
Thu Aug 26 00:07:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Is that it Tina?
Thu Aug 26 00:08:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh YES...that's the one!!! i always forget the wording on
that!!
Thu Aug 26 00:08:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:writing it down
Thu Aug 26 00:08:48 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Well, I had to repeat it to myself over and over again when
I was first learning PD so I had it memorized after a few weeks!
Thu Aug 26 00:08:51 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:taping it to the wall Tina?
Thu Aug 26 00:08:59 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Any ideas on a demanding 15 month old for nursing
Thu Aug 26 00:09:14 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Leah, work on dealing with his hurt feelings on a regular
basis.
Thu Aug 26 00:09:40 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Do you mean that he wants to nurse more than you want him
to?
Thu Aug 26 00:09:41 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:He is always asking to nurse, and screams if I don't
Thu Aug 26 00:09:50 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:lol, yeah beckie...i want that one on a tshirt
Thu Aug 26 00:10:13 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:He will literally though himself all around is we are in a
store and I can' t stop to nurse
Thu Aug 26 00:10:21 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Yes
Thu Aug 26 00:10:24 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:we still have stugroupie and beckie with questions
Thu Aug 26 00:10:32 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:One idea ----at 15 months, his body is old enough to be on
a little more of a schedule or routine for nursing. Is he eating
plenty of solids?
Thu Aug 26 00:10:40 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and we are just about out of time, according to my clock
Thu Aug 26 00:10:53 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So create routines where he knows it is time to nurse.
Thu Aug 26 00:11:10 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:yes but not regularly some days he eats great others are
nothing at all
Thu Aug 26 00:11:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Such as first thing in the morning. After a book mid mornig.
After lunch. After something mid afternoon. After dinner. Bedtime.
Thu Aug 26 00:11:44 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yeah, they go through growth spurts so that is hard.
Thu Aug 26 00:11:58 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:how could I transition to this schedule?
Thu Aug 26 00:12:13 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How often are you nursing him now?
Thu Aug 26 00:12:19 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Should I nusre at the scheduled times and redirect at the
others
Thu Aug 26 00:12:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Okay Tina. I'll wrap up in a minute.
Thu Aug 26 00:12:38 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:I couldn't even tell you it is so irradict
Thu Aug 26 00:12:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Can you do that without feeling guilty?
Thu Aug 26 00:12:48 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:someday 15 times someday 3
Thu Aug 26 00:13:25 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Well if he is don't screaming and really bad yes but
sometimes I give in because I see he is so upset
Thu Aug 26 00:13:36 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think weaning is SO difficult on both the child and the
mother.
Thu Aug 26 00:13:54 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:yes
Thu Aug 26 00:13:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:well i'm ok with continuing to get the other questions
in...just wanted to let ya know there were 2 more questions, if its
possible to get them in
Thu Aug 26 00:14:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I think you might need to think for a few days and decide
what you are really comfortable with.
Thu Aug 26 00:14:12 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I will try Tina.
Thu Aug 26 00:14:34 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:If you decide that he is really okay when you refuse to
nurse him, then go with that.
Thu Aug 26 00:14:50 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:If you will feel guilty of give in because he cries, then
make a different decision.
Thu Aug 26 00:14:55 2004:mommy2caeli
[0/] Disconnect:66.242.169.40
Thu Aug 26 00:14:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that's good advice
Thu Aug 26 00:15:07 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:go with your gut
Thu Aug 26 00:15:15 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Parenting is so difficult because we want what's best for
our kids AND we have to do what's best for us sometimes too.
Thu Aug 26 00:15:23 2004:treena
[0/] Msg:yep
Thu Aug 26 00:15:24 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't
Thu Aug 26 00:15:31 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:okay, thank yu for all the advice!!!
Thu Aug 26 00:15:37 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:if it does, its probably ok
Thu Aug 26 00:15:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and watch the baby...i had to do that with mine
Thu Aug 26 00:15:54 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Trust yourself Leah.
Thu Aug 26 00:16:15 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:Thank you some ties i forget that
Thu Aug 26 00:16:20 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:as far as trying to put her off sometimes from
nursing....distraction does work wonders sometimes
Thu Aug 26 00:16:54 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:OH, is the nursing child a girl or boy? Did I get that
right??? Or not?
Thu Aug 26 00:17:01 2004:Leah
[0/] Msg:boy
Thu Aug 26 00:17:05 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:stugroupie, you still hanging in there with your question?
Thu Aug 26 00:17:11 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Okay. Tina's baby is a girl.
Thu Aug 26 00:17:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:no you got it right, i was talking about my daughter
Thu Aug 26 00:17:22 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:right
Thu Aug 26 00:17:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:k
Thu Aug 26 00:17:33 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:You've probably already answered this and I missed it,
but...ds is 14 mos now. Tantrums started around 6 mos. He starts
crying and does the "limp spaghetti" whenever he doesn't get his
way.
Thu Aug 26 00:17:52 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ah, tantrums...beckie was waiting to ask about that too,
lol
Thu Aug 26 00:17:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I don't know if this will help you, but KNOW that it's very
normal!!!
Thu Aug 26 00:18:15 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:yep, but mine is older, and dangerous!
Thu Aug 26 00:18:16 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:I tell him "not for you. milo can play with _______" But
that doesnt help AT ALL!
Thu Aug 26 00:18:28 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Do you get the sense that he does this for a reaction or
because he really doesn't know how to deal with his feelings?
Thu Aug 26 00:18:39 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:So do I acknowledge it or ignore it?
Thu Aug 26 00:19:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I would try to acknowledge his feelings. Sometimes this was
all that my children needed --to know that I understood their
feelings.
Thu Aug 26 00:19:16 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:Nope. Just cuz he doesnt get his way. Like he can't get
into the pantry or he has to hold hands if he wants to walk.
Thu Aug 26 00:19:28 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Example: "You really wish you could play with that, don't
you? You're so sad that you can't have that."
Thu Aug 26 00:19:34 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:so your last 2 questions are both on tantrums, kelly, lol...maybe
you can tie them together....a 14mo and a 2yr old with
tantrums....dealt with differently or similarly?
Thu Aug 26 00:20:10 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:That is what I want to know, acknowledge or ignore.
Thu Aug 26 00:20:24 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:For both, I would l suggest to start acknowleding feelings
as soon as you can tell that there are some negative feelings.
Thu Aug 26 00:20:28 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:after i acknowledge his feelings, do i STAY W/ HHIM OR
WHAT?
Thu Aug 26 00:20:47 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:sorry! baby feet on keys!
Thu Aug 26 00:20:52 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Well, you can acknowledge the feelings, but still not give
any kind of large reaction to the tantrum.
Thu Aug 26 00:21:26 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Is it a thrashing tantrum that you need to get out of the
way?
Thu Aug 26 00:21:38 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:no
Thu Aug 26 00:22:08 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:yep for me it is, very dangerous
Thu Aug 26 00:22:22 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:but i dont want him to learn that he can get attention from
doing it...
Thu Aug 26 00:22:25 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh i totally want to hear this too cuz my 3, nearly 4yr old
does tantrums alot too, lol
Thu Aug 26 00:22:29 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:What I usually recommend is to acknowledge their feelings
and if they still "flip out", then I take a few steps away and wait.
With my body language, I let them know that it's okay to have the
tanturm.
Thu Aug 26 00:22:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I mean I don
Thu Aug 26 00:22:45 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*nodding at what stugroupie is saying* totally with ya
there
Thu Aug 26 00:22:53 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:'t do anything like make a scowling face or plead with my
child or look disgusted.
Thu Aug 26 00:23:13 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:First of all this takes some practice to actually BELIEVING
yourself that it REALLY is okay if your child has a tantrum.
Thu Aug 26 00:23:35 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:can i go about my business until he is done?
Thu Aug 26 00:23:41 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Sure.
Thu Aug 26 00:23:48 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:That is what I try to do, and I check in with her, I can
actually ask her if it's okay to pick her up. She will tell me when
it's time to cuddle. It's just that 20 minutes while she is
screaming and thrashing that's I don't know what to do
Thu Aug 26 00:24:10 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Then, when my kids were done, I'd be right there, holding
my arms open for a hug. This also reassures the child that "losing
it" is not the end of the world.
Thu Aug 26 00:24:11 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:wow that is long beckie...how tiring for you!
Thu Aug 26 00:24:15 2004:tiffiny
[0/] Msg:I think that's what helped Seren get over her tantrums. I
let her know it was okay to be mad
Thu Aug 26 00:24:26 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:It's been like that for about 2 weeks, long, long screaming
tantrums
Thu Aug 26 00:24:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:We ALL lose it sometimes and we all don't want others to
hold it against us for very long. We usually feel pretty bad or
silly about it and your kids probably do too even though they might
not let on.
Thu Aug 26 00:25:09 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:do you handle it the same in public?
Thu Aug 26 00:25:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Depends.
Thu Aug 26 00:25:25 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Thank goodness it has never been in public
Thu Aug 26 00:25:30 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:for us I mean
Thu Aug 26 00:25:33 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I have carried a kicking screaming child out of the grocery
store before.
Thu Aug 26 00:25:46 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You kind of have to make that call on a situational basis.
Thu Aug 26 00:26:10 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:With a four yo. you CAN do some coaching to help her do
something different to deal with her feelings.
Thu Aug 26 00:26:33 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:When both of you are in a good mood, the two of you can
brainstorm for some things that she can do when she gets mad,
frustrated.
Thu Aug 26 00:26:36 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:i know its normal, but people look at my like im a bad
mom...
Thu Aug 26 00:26:48 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yeah i've done that too...the trick is to try not to react
negatively to them...that's HARD!!! i'm not so good at that
Thu Aug 26 00:26:49 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:guess i have to deal!
Thu Aug 26 00:27:02 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Make a list and then draw stick figures to represent each
thing. Or she can do the drawings if she is inclined to.
Thu Aug 26 00:27:22 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:The role play with her to try each of the things so she has
some practice in reacting in some new ways.
Thu Aug 26 00:27:38 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yeah, we've all gotten that "bad mom" look.
Thu Aug 26 00:28:12 2004:tiffiny
[0/] Msg:I got one just today
Thu Aug 26 00:28:14 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:for the little one's tantrums....is it more appropriate to
hold them through the tantrums if they will let them? i know every
child is different..i did this with maeven when she was little, but
she let me and i know not every child will
Thu Aug 26 00:28:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I try to smile and say, "Been there!! Hope it's over soon."
if it seems appropriate to moms in their store having a hard time
with their kids.
Thu Aug 26 00:28:24 2004:JillG
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:28:31 2004:hiyamom
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:28:39 2004:Leah
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:29:11 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, each child is different. Some like pressure and hugs
and holding and others do not. Just try to sense whether it is
helpful to the child or not.
Thu Aug 26 00:29:24 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Danielle would kill me if I tried to hold her, or at least
bruise me severally
Thu Aug 26 00:29:34 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i know i did also notice that different tantrums need
different reactions
Thu Aug 26 00:29:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:For the 4 yol, you can also create a "Calm Down Box" with
her.
Thu Aug 26 00:29:46 2004:treena
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:29:56 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:at least with my child...some felt like she needed holding,
some she needed ignoring...some, i just don't know what to do!
Thu Aug 26 00:30:27 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:The two of you can brainstorm for some things to put in the
box --things that will help her calm down when she's upset: a
squeeze ball, a teddy bear, a pillow, a portable tape/CD player with
soft music
Thu Aug 26 00:30:28 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yeah, beckie, danielle is a very different child than
maeven, huh?
Thu Aug 26 00:30:43 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh that's good!
Thu Aug 26 00:30:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i am going to have some work for us tomorrow, lol
Thu Aug 26 00:30:59 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:with elijah I have always told him he was welcome to throw
a tantrum while I place him in a safe place and tell him to come
find me when he is ready because he doesn't settle when I am even in
the same room when he has a tantrum
Thu Aug 26 00:31:24 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Another idea that worked REALLY well with both of my
children was that I gave them a pillow to throw. I just handed it to
them in the middle of the tantrum and said, "Throw this."
Thu Aug 26 00:31:26 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:and while I do feel it is alright for him to have a tantrum
because we all do, i have a hard time being in the room with him
while he does it too
Thu Aug 26 00:31:40 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:what about the little guys? what about staying close by
during the tantrum? or does it depend on the child and tantrum?
Thu Aug 26 00:31:46 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Very Tina, she is very outgoing, running away, and
rambuncous
Thu Aug 26 00:31:52 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Of course they threw it right at me, but that was okay.
That was the point. I would hand it to them over and over again and
they would throw it over and over again.
Thu Aug 26 00:32:11 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:This was a way for me to "go to time out WITH your child"
as Jane Nelsen suggests.
Thu Aug 26 00:32:19 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Sorry I was gone for a moment, but while Danielle can very
adamently sign for Eat More, it takes her 20 minutes to decide what
to eat!!
Thu Aug 26 00:32:25 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Both of my kids threw the pillow until the calmed down and
then we hugged.
Thu Aug 26 00:32:33 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh i like that!
Thu Aug 26 00:32:44 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i have told her to hit pillows and couches when she's angry
Thu Aug 26 00:32:53 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and we do it together...and it turns to giggles really
quick
Thu Aug 26 00:32:53 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:After the first time I did this with each of my children,
they both looked up at me after the hug and said, "Mom, I love you."
Thu Aug 26 00:33:37 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:They both had the same reaction. Now I can't explain it.
But I think they were trying to tell me that they felt safe and that
I sent the message that it was okay to get made and I would stay
with them and help them through it.
Thu Aug 26 00:33:55 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:That is a good idea
Thu Aug 26 00:33:56 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:oh wow that is sweet
Thu Aug 26 00:33:57 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:It seemed to be a big step in their development towards
anger management after I did that with each of them.
Thu Aug 26 00:34:12 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that was after the pillow throwing?
Thu Aug 26 00:34:22 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Danielle started saying I Sad and I Mad, just today
Thu Aug 26 00:34:36 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:awwww beckie
Thu Aug 26 00:34:49 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, after the pillow throwing thing, they seemed to gain
more self control --more self calming skills.
Thu Aug 26 00:35:05 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:I will have to try that next time, I have lots of pillows!
Thu Aug 26 00:35:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:are there any other tricks for stugroupie and beckie, with
the little guys? or are most of the little games for the older ones?
Thu Aug 26 00:35:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Maybe I need to do that again with my 11 yo!!
Thu Aug 26 00:35:40 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i can see how that can really turn into something fun
Thu Aug 26 00:35:41 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yeah, with the young ones, there is NO reasoning ability
usually.
Thu Aug 26 00:35:52 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:and parents just have to wait it out.
Thu Aug 26 00:36:09 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:okay, just making sure I was on teh right track, LOL!
Thu Aug 26 00:36:11 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:should they be distracted or should you let them get it
out...seems like distraction might not allow them to get that
emotion out?
Thu Aug 26 00:36:12 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Acknowledging feelings can really help curtail some
tantrums --just knowing that someone might know how they feel.
Thu Aug 26 00:36:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Even for babie and toddlers.
Thu Aug 26 00:36:24 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:I guess I am, with waiting, checking in and trying to stay
out of kicking range
Thu Aug 26 00:36:46 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:my little guy just gets worse and worse
Thu Aug 26 00:36:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I'm always okay with letting kids have their feelings.
Thu Aug 26 00:37:04 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:and the whole day he will be grumpy
Thu Aug 26 00:37:10 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:BUT if I'm PMSing and can't stand the whining anymore, I'd
distract all day long at times.
Thu Aug 26 00:37:12 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i did that with the little one i used to nanny...she would
just go crazy on the floor kicking and screaming...then when she was
done she would come running to me for a hug...and i'd always be
there for her and say something like "its scary to lose control"
Thu Aug 26 00:37:28 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:The nice thing about 2 yo. s is that they are more easily
distracted~!
Thu Aug 26 00:37:32 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:seems if I distract him then he just gets on with the day
and everything is ok/better
Thu Aug 26 00:37:51 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Exactly Tina!
Thu Aug 26 00:37:55 2004:tiffiny
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:38:04 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:it IS scary!
Thu Aug 26 00:38:08 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:its scary for me!
Thu Aug 26 00:38:09 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Not my 2 year old
Thu Aug 26 00:38:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and we all lose control sometimes
Thu Aug 26 00:38:21 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Also parents can build some calming activities into the day
especially when they notice that their child is having a tough day.
Thu Aug 26 00:38:22 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Dang object permenance!!
Thu Aug 26 00:38:28 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:LOL beckie
Thu Aug 26 00:38:36 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:The bathtub is usually calming for kids. --I mean with
water in it.
Thu Aug 26 00:38:40 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:It wouldn't let me type what I originally thought
Thu Aug 26 00:38:43 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i have really found my silliness lately...and that has done
WONDERS
Thu Aug 26 00:38:56 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Didn't Dr Sear say to put cranky children into water?
Thu Aug 26 00:39:04 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Put the kids in the bathtub and let them have water play
time and you sit and read your own book next to the tub.
Thu Aug 26 00:39:10 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that was SARK, beckie
Thu Aug 26 00:39:16 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:I knew it was an S
Thu Aug 26 00:39:17 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:LOL
Thu Aug 26 00:39:22 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:"if they're grumpy, put them in water"
Thu Aug 26 00:39:26 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and paint their sneakers
Thu Aug 26 00:39:37 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and plant licorice in the garden...etc etc
Thu Aug 26 00:39:43 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Msg:Great advice! Thanks for your help! And for staying late!
Kelly and Tina rock! Way past my bedtime - good night!
Thu Aug 26 00:39:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:no problem stu!
Thu Aug 26 00:39:59 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:glad you could join us!
Thu Aug 26 00:40:09 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Or fill up the kitchen sink with water and suds and let
them stand on a chair if they are 3 or older ---supervise constantly
of course. (I have to say that sometimes to cover myself --WE all
know to supervise, but I have to make it clear.
Thu Aug 26 00:40:21 2004:briterfly
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:40:23 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i'll be posting the transcript and this is going to be a
regular chat
Thu Aug 26 00:40:38 2004:stugroupie
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:40:40 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Okay, did we get all of the ?s
Thu Aug 26 00:40:56 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:when my daughter was littler i would do that with her but i
would put a tub of shallow water and bubbles on the floor on a bunch
of towels
Thu Aug 26 00:41:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Great idea Tina!
Thu Aug 26 00:41:09 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:and gave her some plastic ware to wash
Thu Aug 26 00:41:20 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:angela, did you have a question?
Thu Aug 26 00:41:27 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:I think I am going to try that Tina. The bathtub is hard
for me when I am home alone, but a mini tub would work
Thu Aug 26 00:41:34 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:yeah if we still have time
Thu Aug 26 00:41:37 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:and heck, ya can't make my carpets much worse!!
Thu Aug 26 00:41:46 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:lol, there ya go beck, lol
Thu Aug 26 00:41:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Go ahead, njella.
Thu Aug 26 00:42:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:we got everyone on my list....angela was waiting to see if
there was time
Thu Aug 26 00:42:34 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:thanks, I was just wondering how to deal with my 2.5 yr old
son that LOVES to irritate Maeven LOL
Thu Aug 26 00:42:45 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:He just thinks it is so fun
Thu Aug 26 00:42:57 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:How old is Maeven?
Thu Aug 26 00:43:06 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:4 tina's dd
Thu Aug 26 00:43:15 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Oh, okay.
Thu Aug 26 00:43:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I'm just getting to know Tina. It takes me forever to learn
names.
Thu Aug 26 00:43:36 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:You should see Danielle and Temoc, Angela! Danielle loves
to make Temoc shriek!!
Thu Aug 26 00:43:38 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:she will be 4 in november
Thu Aug 26 00:44:01 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:oh right 3.75
Thu Aug 26 00:44:05 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yeah
Thu Aug 26 00:44:06 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:So do all of you live near each other?
Thu Aug 26 00:44:11 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:lol, a lot of us
Thu Aug 26 00:44:30 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You are all on the west coast?
Thu Aug 26 00:44:34 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:tiffiny, jessica(logans mom), beckie, marisa, bumwrap(jen),
njella, me....lol
Thu Aug 26 00:44:41 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yeah, fresno/clovis
Thu Aug 26 00:44:43 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Yep, Central Califorina
Thu Aug 26 00:44:52 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:we are all in the same mommy group
Thu Aug 26 00:44:52 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:or how ever it's spelled, LOL
Thu Aug 26 00:45:01 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Have any of you been to any PD classes out there?
Thu Aug 26 00:45:07 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:califorina, LOL...that's a new cereal
Thu Aug 26 00:45:17 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:LOL, with grapes and walnuts
Thu Aug 26 00:45:23 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:They have classes??
Thu Aug 26 00:45:24 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I would guess that he irritates Maeven because "it works."
Thu Aug 26 00:45:42 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Does Maeven usually respond in the same way? The way that
he thinks she will?
Thu Aug 26 00:45:49 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:I'd love to take a class but I'm told there arent any
nearby
Thu Aug 26 00:45:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i haven't been to the class...but i used to teach at a
school that used PD and they did parent classes...but i wasn't a
parent back then
Thu Aug 26 00:46:03 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Yes, I teach PD classes and other facilitators do.
Thu Aug 26 00:46:04 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh she is like clockwork...maeven is so highly irritable,
just like her mama
Thu Aug 26 00:46:05 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:I would totally agree Kelly! I see that so much with
Danielle, she loves that she can drive a big kid (Temoc) crazy
Thu Aug 26 00:46:07 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:SCREAMS!!!
Thu Aug 26 00:46:17 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:OH yes madhava loves to hear maeven scream. Sometimes he
even screams first for no reason just to get her going
Thu Aug 26 00:46:20 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I thought we had an associate in Central CA.
Thu Aug 26 00:46:23 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:we have another friend that does the same thing...tahlia...she
loves to push maeven's buttons
Thu Aug 26 00:46:24 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Where is Santa Cruz?
Thu Aug 26 00:46:31 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:over on teh coast
Thu Aug 26 00:46:33 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Poor Maeven!!
Thu Aug 26 00:46:36 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:pretty far
Thu Aug 26 00:46:42 2004:capo
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Aug 26 00:46:51 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:Most of the time they get along great
Thu Aug 26 00:47:02 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yeah but i'm trying to teach her to tell them with her
words what she wants, she just is nowhere near there...her emotions
are always right on the edge
Thu Aug 26 00:47:16 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Are any of you interested in taking the 2 day training to
become a PD facilitator? And then you could teach the classes to
everyone else?
Thu Aug 26 00:47:33 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:but every so often (when tina and I are talking ) he will
grab something he doesnt even want and scream .... with a smile on
his face
Thu Aug 26 00:48:08 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh gosh, you could learn it in 2 days?
Thu Aug 26 00:48:15 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:That would be so cool
Thu Aug 26 00:48:18 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i don't think i'd feel at all qualified, lol
Thu Aug 26 00:48:24 2004:njella
[0/] Msg:me neither
Thu Aug 26 00:48:29 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i'd love to have something like that out here though...
Thu Aug 26 00:49:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Well, the facilitator training is a 2 day training. You
learn the basics of teaching a parenting class and you practice the
core activities during those two days. But then you go home with a
huge notebook of lots of other
Thu Aug 26 00:49:05 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:great activites to do.
Thu Aug 26 00:49:08 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i used PD for 2 years when i was a preschool teacher...but
now that i really need it i'm so rusty
Thu Aug 26 00:49:38 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i might be interested...but i don't need another thing to
add to my list right now
Thu Aug 26 00:50:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I just decided that PD had helped me so much that I wanted
to start teaching it. I took the two day training and then I called
up an agency and told them I teach for free at first to practice my
skills and they could see what type of response they got
Thu Aug 26 00:50:08 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:you and me both Tina!
Thu Aug 26 00:50:18 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:i would be interested- how much is such a training?
Thu Aug 26 00:50:29 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:we have a local API here though
Thu Aug 26 00:50:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Most of the activities are experential ones --role plays
and such and so you just tell people what to do in the role plays
and then then learning all comes from them.
Thu Aug 26 00:51:13 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh well that's good...are there videos?
Thu Aug 26 00:51:19 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You ask them questions to help them process the role plays
and what they were thinking, feeling and deciding in the role plays.
Thu Aug 26 00:51:39 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Around $225.
Thu Aug 26 00:51:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Nope. No videos.
Thu Aug 26 00:51:57 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:do you have to go somewhere for the training or is it
online?
Thu Aug 26 00:52:32 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I mean, Jane actually has made a PD video that some people
can purchase, but the PD Association really believes in the
experential activities.
Thu Aug 26 00:52:58 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:You have to go somewhere. But there is a PD
Associate/Trainer in Santa Cruz, but I'm not sure how far that is
for you.
Thu Aug 26 00:53:04 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh gotcha
Thu Aug 26 00:53:14 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that's about 4hours
Thu Aug 26 00:53:20 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:are nurslings welcome?
Thu Aug 26 00:53:24 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:how long is the training each day?
Thu Aug 26 00:53:38 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Oh the new non-profit website is a list of the upcoming
trainings though it's a little thin right now.
Thu Aug 26 00:53:44 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg: www.posdis.org
Thu Aug 26 00:53:55 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:I meant ON the new
Thu Aug 26 00:54:31 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh i hadn't seen that site, thanks!
Thu Aug 26 00:54:37 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:Hmmmmmm. I think it wouldn't work well with a nursling
because of all of the standing up and role plays and hands on
activities.
Thu Aug 26 00:55:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:But you can ask the particular trainer about a nursling.
Thu Aug 26 00:55:44 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:anyway, what about madhava and maeven? LOL
Thu Aug 26 00:56:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:(making sure angela gets her question answered, lol)
Thu Aug 26 00:56:07 2004:PDMod_Kelly
[0/] Msg:The training is usually from 9 am until 4 pm with an hour
and a half break for lunch.
Thu Aug 26 00:58:40 2004:Brenda
[0/] Disconnect:67.224.40.81
Thu Aug 26 01:00:10 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:lol kelly...so is there anything that angela and i can do
with the interaction between maeven and madhava? the screaming
really escalates sometimes...
Thu Aug 26 01:00:36 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:That situation
seems so hard with a 2.5 yo.
Thu Aug 26 01:00:43 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:yeah it is...
Thu Aug 26 01:00:56 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:I would
normally ask him what is something different he can do to get her
attention. Something that she will LIKE!
Thu Aug 26 01:01:00 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:cuz she's older and i
always think she should be old enough to reason with about it, but
she's super emotional...
Thu Aug 26 01:01:35 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:and then he's younger
and doesn't understand as much...plus he's a little mockingbird,
repeats whatever you say, huh angela? how much do you think he gets
of what you say to him angela?
Thu Aug 26 01:01:39 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:Most 4 yo.'s love to
role play. You could try doing that with her. She can practice
several different reactions and see which one she wants to try the
next time he irriates her.
Thu Aug 26 01:01:46 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:irritate
Thu Aug 26 01:02:05 2004:njella [0/] Msg:hard to say he just repeats
it so i leave him alone LOL
Thu Aug 26 01:02:59 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:yeah, angela, i often
wonder how much he really gets since he just repeats things
immediately
Thu Aug 26 01:03:01 2004:njella [0/] Msg:oh will be LOL
Thu Aug 26 01:03:15 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:kelly....i will often
tell maeven what to say...and madhava will repeat them instead!!
Thu Aug 26 01:03:23 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:LOL!
Thu Aug 26 01:03:47 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:I would try the role
playing and see if that helps.
Thu Aug 26 01:03:53 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:darned if i can
usually get maeven to repeat what i say...i've always tried to help
give her the words to say but she is stubborn, won't repeat them
Thu Aug 26 01:04:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:If you make a choice
wheel with her, she could use that.
Thu Aug 26 01:04:18 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:i will say things
like "a nice thing to say right now would be i'm sorry"....but she
won't say it and i don't push it
Thu Aug 26 01:05:08 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:Sometimes, I just
decide to walk out of the room, completely way to let the kids solve
their problem on their own, but that's usually for kids older than
3.
Thu Aug 26 01:07:00 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:Well, I've got to get
to bed.
Thu Aug 26 01:07:17 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:We can talk about this
one at the next chat too.
Thu Aug 26 01:07:26 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:yeah its almost 1 for
you!!! yikes! sorry we kept you way past the chat time!!!
Thu Aug 26 01:09:35 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:Have a great week
everyone!
Thu Aug 26 01:09:39 2004:PDMod_Kelly [0/] Msg:Good night!
